This middle-aged couple had actually gotten married more than a year ago in a very private and quiet ceremony -- and were looking for the right time to their their commitment with their circle of friends.
This was no ordinary reception. Both were were dressed in full Renaissance regalia, all skillfully and amazingly sewn by the bride. He in elegant gold and black pantaloons, vest and shirt with a sword by his side, looking remarkably like Henry VIII. (Where's the turkey leg?) She in a frothy lemon yellow gown trimmed with pearly beads over the traditional corset, her hair in braids wound around her head and a big smile on her face.
There was bagpipe music, sweet cakes, simple snacks and wine and spring water. In the deep of the evening, they renewed their vows publicly while a boom box played the appropriate music.
Simple, fun, playful, relaxed and serious. Which brings me to Clarissa Pinkola Estes, the wonderful storyteller and psychoanalyst who holds a lot of wisdom about all kinds of things, including relationships. In this season of weddings -- and anniversaries! – now is a good time to review what makes a good relationships. Here is her take:
- How well does this person relate to friends and family?
- What value does this person place on money, material possessions, caring for a home?
- Is this person generous in spirit and with resources?
- Does this person have a desire to learn and grow?
- Does this person enhance your life and make it "bigger"?
- Is this person strong, practical, grounded and sensitive, like a rooted tree that is also flexible?
- Can this person feel pain and have compassion for others in pain?
- What inspires and motivates this person?
- Can this person laugh easily at himself or herself?
- Can this person stop a brewing argument quickly and easily?
- Is this person able to be a good friend, willing to listen and to share?
- Does this person carry grudges or is this person able to forgive and move on?
Although none of us is perfect, this list of questions is a good starting point for self-examination and discussion.
P.S. If you haven’t already, be sure to read Clarissa’s "Women Who Run with the Wolves." It’s a classic.
