We are meant to be connected

In Lynne McTaggart's new book, The Bond: Connecting Through the Space Between Us, she says that nothing -- including humans -- exists independently and that we have an inherent need for belonging, agreement, giving, and taking turns.

Her views offer an entirely new scientific story is emerging that challenges our most basic premise: the sense of things as separate entities in competition for survival.

McTaggart is a best-selling author, researcher and lecturer whose work has often been described as “a bridge between science and spirituality.”

Here are some points she makes:

• We are inescapably connected, hardwired to each other at our most elemental level—from cells to whole societies.

• The desire to help others is so necessary that we experience it as one of our chief pleasures, as essential as eating and having sex, and we succeed and prosper only when we see ourselves as part of a greater whole.

• Every conflict that occurs—whether between husband and wife, social or racial groups, or nations—is resolved only when we can fully see and embrace the space—the bond—between us.

• People who fire together wire together: Whenever a group works together for a common goal, the brains of all parties begin to get on the same wavelength, strengthening the bond within the group

• Fairness is more powerful than unfairness: A small group of individuals committed to strong reciprocity can "invade" a population of self-interested individuals and create a fairer society.

• Once we view ourselves as a part of a bigger whole, we begin to act differently toward each other. By removing a self-serving aim from the relationship, we stop fighting nature and surrender to our natural impulse toward holism. We can easily embrace difference within that larger definition of connection.

Her site is here and and you can find a thoughtful interview about this book here. This video shares more about her books and endorsers:

Teens talk: If you really knew me...

If You Really Knew Me is a MTV reality show based on the Challenge Day program, in which various high schools devote a day to examining and breaking down barriers between teens as they explore popularity, bullying, prejudice and cliques.

In one recent episode, a popular student council leader bonds with a meek freshman girl to seek a truce with a school bully. In another episode,  the students address the school's rumor mill and confront each other. In another, there are the preps, jocks, jicks, emos, stoners and others at Neenah High School in our very own Wisconsin.

The series is based on the popular Challenge Day program, which uses powerful experiential methods to help young people identify the roles that they have taken on  to survive life in school. They are able to risk to safely share their social experiences with their peers and make connections with each other on deeper levels than the superficial.

As a psychotherapist, I've worked with many, many adults who carry scars of painful bullying from their school years. Invariably, they want to express their pain and feel that someone is listening. Ultimately, we work together to discover healthy ways to feel genuinely powerful in the world today.

I  keep hoping there will be a movement in my home community to bring Challenge Day here. Although Challenge Day is not the all-purpose solution to feeling alone and marginalized, it certainly allows us to talk openly and learn the hearts and souls under the labels and stereotypes.

Get More: If You Really Knew Me, MTV Shows

The butterfly fable for parents and others: don't help too much

A man having lunch on a park bench noticed a chrysalis on a nearby tree branch. A large caterpillar was struggling mightily to emerge from the small opening of its cocoon. Feeling sorry for the bug, the man took out his pocket knife and use it to slice a larger opening, hoping to make the exit easier for the emerging butterfly. The caterpillar flopped out, fell to the ground and died.

When the man recounted his experience later during a conversation with a friend, his friend told him that the caterpillar – in the process of leaving the cocoon, pushing against its sides and struggling to move its body forward – converts certain tissues into muscle and strengthens its wings and makes its body slim and able to exit. Only then can it emerge to its new life as a beautiful butterfly.

I think of this story when I talk with parents who love their children so much that they want to make their children’s lives as easy as possible. Invariably, these parents “help” their children way too much, and the children are never able to build and exercise the muscles they need to become responsible adults.

Are you a helicopter parent – the kind of parent who pays extremely close a child’s experiences and tries to micromanage every aspect of your child’s life?

Remember the story of the caterpillar. You have the opportunity to give your child positive emotional health and being less dependent, neurotic and less open, a slew of personality traits that are generally thought of as undesirable. More here about helicopter parents from MSNBC.

A video teaching on entering the path of inner peace

Just when your thoughts are filling your head, and the stories that you are telling yourself about your life are crowding at the edges of your experiences, and giving no room for openness and presence...

Here is a lovely teaching by Michael Stone, a psychotherapist and yoga and Buddhist meditation teacher. He is the author of The Inner Tradition of Yoga: A Guide to Yoga Philosophy for the Contemporary Practitionerand Awake in the World: Teachings from Yoga and Buddhism for Living an Engaged Life.

Listen, learn, enjoy and share.

 

Michael Stone on the Question, How Do I Enter My Life from Toronto Body Mind on Vimeo.

Contemporary psychotherapy isn't all talk

Along with the growth of interest in alternative medicine, a growth in the interest about choices in alternative psychotherapy.

"Alternatives" don't just come down to herbs, massage and yoga, as valuable as they are. People can experience significant growth and change -- often in short amounts of time -- with activities that use drama, guided imagery, music therapy, art therapy, sand tray therapy and other modalities that speak to people's whole brains, not just symptoms.

When people think about seeking counseling -- or "talk therapy" as it is often called, it is important to know that there are other options available

Psychodrama -- translating from the Greek to "mind in action" -- is an action method that has been adapted to psychotherapy treatment since the early 1920s. A psychodrama director, as the therapist is called when working in this method, will assist a person in exploring an issue or problem in action, which may include experimenting with a variety of role play, working with simple props or making other active choices in the context of therapeutic concerns. It is not necessary to feel like you are an "actor" or actress but rather experiment with For more information, see American Society of Psychodrama and Group Psychotherapy and Psychodrama Certification. Good book: The Living Stage: A Step-by-Step Guide to Psychodrama, Sociometry and Group Psychotherapy.

Eye Movement and Desesensitization Reprocessing (EMDR) employes rapid eye movements and sounds to help the brain process negative memories and experinces and appears to be particuarly helpful with survivors of trauma. Good book: EMDR: The Breakthrough "Eye Movement" Therapy for Overcoming Anxiety, Stress, and Trauma.

Art therapy encourages expression of feelings in the making of art -- whether painting, drawing, working with clay, making collages and also three-dimensional objects. In working with an experiened art therapist, people can experience the self in new ways and gain a feeling of empowerment in expressing their creativity. Another good  site here. Good book: Art Therapy Sourcebook (Sourcebooks).

Music therapy helps people express feelings and communicate with a variety of music, sometimes live and sometimes recorded. It improves the quality of life for persons who are well and meets the needs of children and adults with disabilities or illnesses. Music therapy interventions can be designed to relieve stress and reduce pain and improve memory, as well as many other documented health benefits. Good book: Acting Your Inner Music: Music Therapy and Psychodrama.

Systemic Family Constellation Work is a very leading-edge healing method coming from Germany, developed by Bert Hellinger. It has recently arrived in the Midwest through several psychotherapists in Milwaukee and postulates that trauma, pain and personal problems are often connected to the troubles of previous generations. Most often defined as a "soul healing" process, it is done in groups and works with the unconscious to explore influential trans-generational family bonds. Good book: Love's Hidden Symmetry: What Makes Love Work in Relationships.

Animal-assisted therapy involves including animals -- dogs, horses and the like -- in working with people in emotional pain as well as those experiencing physical and mental disabilities. One of many good sites is Delta Society.

January newsletter: more constellation healing groups, plus personal growth for the new year

Imagine a constellation in the sky – a grouping of stars that depicts your ancestors.

Each one has an invisible string connecting one to another and to you. As you live your life, you are tethered to these people of the past. You’ve inherited some of their characteristics: Grandma’s love of baking, your dad’s eyes, Aunt May’s red hair…

But there’s more.

You also have inherited their joys and sorrows, and you may be carrying pain, guilt, anger or other burdens from past generations that impact your life today – even if you do not exactly how or why.

The “Ancestors, Constellations and Healing” groups at Lake House Health & Learning Center are a new and profound way to help you connect and correct the past so that you can move forward with a sense of inner peace. Each participant may be involved as much or as little as they are comfortable with, sharing general issues, not details.

Whether you merely observe or actively participate in this safe and confidential setting, you’ll learn a lot about yourself and how you are a part of those who came before you. .

We're adding more dates for 2011, alternating between day and evening times to accommodate your varied schedules. See calendar for more details.

This unconventional healing process of Family Constellation Work comes from Germany and I've started a web page with article links and information to newcomers and interested others.

Groups begin on Monday, Jan. 10. Your insurance may cover some or all of the fee, although a sliding scale may be available for those without insurance. Contact Karen at (262) 633-2645 for reservations or questions.

Help with constellation survey

The International Systemic Constellation Association (ISCA) is currently creating a research study on the effectiveness of constellation work. If you have taken part in a group or individual constellation session with Karen at Lake House and are willing to complete a preliminary questionaire based on your experience, please follow this link. Your input is greatly appreciated.

More on the blog

We're all about the new year. See Happy new change and A llittle ritual to say a good farewell to 2010.

Schedule at a glance

Jan. 10 Ancestors, Constellations & Healing

Jan. 13 Ancestors, Constellations & Healing
Jan. 14 Make A Vision Board For Meetup
Jan. 14 Professional Training: Make A Vision Board
Jan. 15 Tarot For Self Discovery
Jan. 19 Learn to Make Your Own Flower Essence To Ease Emotional Challenges
Jan. 20 Natural Health, Homeopathy & Other Remedies
Jan. 18-20 Homeopathy appointments with Marybeth Buchele

Services at Lake House Health & Learning Center

Psychotherapy
Coaching
Professional training with continuing education credits
Wellness classes
Personal growth groups
Homeopathy
Massage
Reiki
Feng shui
Referrals

Happy new change!

It's the new year, and how are those resolutions going for you? Are you committed, motivated, dedicated to what new change you want to bring into your life?

Or has that great resolution already faded into obscurity in the first week of the new year?

I had the pleasure on Thursday to take part in the annual Whole Body Detoxification program at Roots and Legends, with the invitation of the program's originator Arthur Shattuck. The invited topic was change: how not only approach change but to sustain change over a period of time.

It's an important subject because the four-week detox program involves changes in food (no cheese), in storing foods (nuts and oils in refrigerator) and personal habits (no deodorant, aluminum pots or plastic bags.)

That's the challenge. I always refer to Changing for Good: A Revolutionary Six-Stage Program for Overcoming Bad Habits and Moving Your Life Positively Forward by James Prochaska, John Norcross and Carlo DiClemente. The trio has elegantly sketched a six-stage process of change. It begins with "pre-contemplation: -- which most of us would call "clueless" -- to the final stage of "termination" -- which most of us would call "success." In the middle, there are the steps of contemplation, preparation, action and maintenance.

It's those middle steps that we need to identify. We identify them because we need to know where we fit with them.

Among the first questions that we need to ask is, "Am I really serious about this change?"

Most of us hope (secretly!) that the change will happen  magically and we won't have to take responsiblity for it. Other times we may be wishing for change, but the people around us  don't want to change. Then we need to have a plan to pursue our goal even when other people may not approve, support or understand.

So, good luck and good contemplating and good planning to those of us in the detox program. And for you? You don't need to wait until 2012. Just figure out where you stand in the six steps of change and start again.