I’m just finishing a four-session group on recovery from trauma at Lake House. One of the questions that has been asked is:
“Do people who have experienced trauma ever really heal?”
And one of the counter-questions that survivors often hear is:
“Can’t you just get over it?”
Both of these questions have value, and both of these questions are, in fact, entwined. Survivors of trauma are often eager to get “over” the trauma but find they can’t get past it despite their best efforts. Other people who cannot understand their reality often experience impatience, confusion and misunderstanding.
For people directly affected by traumatic experiences, there still may be tears, pain, confusion and the continuing reminder of someone who is beloved who is gone. For the community at large, there may be lingering shock that something so awful could happen in a community they love, just a glance from their own back yard, and questions about how this cycle of pain can be changed. In today's world, there is increasing human-made violence that is causing all sorts of extra trauma, such as school violence, gang crimes, domestic violence, child abuse, and sexual assault, terrorism like Sept. 11 and war.
Although some people believe there's no way that anyone could recover from such personal devastation, healing is possible. Many people do recover, even finding themselves with a greater sense of personal resilience and wisdom -- strong at the broken places.
Here are some things to know about trauma:
Experiencing trauma -- by definition, an experience that overwhelmed your ability to cope -- is a natural part of being human. Unexpected loss, natural catastrophes, illness, great pain and accidents are part of the normal human condition. At some point in each person's life, he or she will experience some kind of situation that we now call trauma. There is no shame about this.
Trauma destroys trust -- the trust of one’s own capabilities, the trust of others and the trust of the goodness and predictability of the universe. Because the person cannot seem to feel safe, even with himself or herself, there is constant stress, vigilance and suspicion.
When we have been traumatized, we naturally seek to feel a sense of power again. Many people seek to regain this power in unhealthy ways, including drugs, alcohol, disordered eating and compulsive behavior. Some become perpetrators, hurting others to continue the cycle of violence.
Healing is possible.
First, you must open your eyes and be able to label the traumatic experiences and violence you and others in your families and communities have experienced. This is the first step to recovery. Break the cycle of silence, and trauma can begin to be healed. Tell someone what you feel, what has happened to you. It is OK to talk to someone safe.
Secondly, you have to be willing to experience the pain of the trauma, rather than avoid it. Typically we avoid pain in many ways -- drinking, using drugs, overeating, denial or simply fantasizing that we can return to "normal," the way it was before the trauma happened. However, the real healing comes with your willingness to let yourself be confused and angry and sad during what may be an extended period of time. There is power in being able to identify and express feelings. At some point, it may be appropriate to acknowledge any responsibility you might have had in the incident yourself, but only so you can forgive yourself and move on, not so you can wallow in guilt and shame.
If the pain is so great that you cannot imagine that it would be possible to feel it or contain it, seek out additional help rather than think that you can do it alone. You will want to begin to find people who can accept and listen to your pain. These people and places may be family members, friends, teachers, counselors, pastors, support groups, churches and other palces of worship, Twelve-Step meetings, --anyone who is willing to listen, learn more and can understand.
Advances in technology has made it possible for us to measure how the brain changes from overwhelming stress and violence. This has profound implications for treatment and recovery. Talk therapy manages symptoms. You can learn how to identify what reminds you of a trauma in the past and how it is affecting you in the present. Then you can make sense of the nonverbal, emotional symptoms of PTSD for yourself or others close to you. Experiential, body-oriented and action therapies directly treat the nonverbal, emotional symptoms of PTSD and provide immediate empowerment for people and communities.
Although recovery is possible, do not expect things to go back to "normal." The reality is that life will be different. Life will never be the same as they were before the "thing" happened, but if you go bravely through the grieving process, you can come out the other side better than you were before, rather than worse, and learn how to attend to reminders of your pain in healthy ways.
It's doubtful that you'll actually be happy that the event happened, but you may be surprised that you can actually feel respect or gratitude for difficulties and tragedies that take you to higher levels of personal development. By active grieving and recovery, you transform the event into something helpful and beneficial, rather than letting the event transform you into something broken and hopeless.
Secondly, you have to be willing to experience the pain of the trauma, rather than avoid it. Typically we avoid pain in many ways -- drinking, using drugs, overeating, denial or simply fantasizing that we can return to "normal," the way it was before the trauma happened. However, the real healing comes with your willingness to let yourself be confused and angry and sad during what may be an extended period of time. There is power in being able to identify and express feelings. At some point, it may be appropriate to acknowledge any responsibility you might have had in the incident yourself, but only so you can forgive yourself and move on, not so you can wallow in guilt and shame.
If the pain is so great that you cannot imagine that it would be possible to feel it or contain it, seek out additional help rather than think that you can do it alone. You will want to begin to find people who can accept and listen to your pain. These people and places may be family members, friends, teachers, counselors, pastors, support groups, churches and other palces of worship, Twelve-Step meetings, --anyone who is willing to listen, learn more and can understand.
Advances in technology has made it possible for us to measure how the brain changes from overwhelming stress and violence. This has profound implications for treatment and recovery. Talk therapy manages symptoms. You can learn how to identify what reminds you of a trauma in the past and how it is affecting you in the present. Then you can make sense of the nonverbal, emotional symptoms of PTSD for yourself or others close to you. Experiential, body-oriented and action therapies directly treat the nonverbal, emotional symptoms of PTSD and provide immediate empowerment for people and communities.
Although recovery is possible, do not expect things to go back to "normal." The reality is that life will be different. Life will never be the same as they were before the "thing" happened, but if you go bravely through the grieving process, you can come out the other side better than you were before, rather than worse, and learn how to attend to reminders of your pain in healthy ways.
It's doubtful that you'll actually be happy that the event happened, but you may be surprised that you can actually feel respect or gratitude for difficulties and tragedies that take you to higher levels of personal development. By active grieving and recovery, you transform the event into something helpful and beneficial, rather than letting the event transform you into something broken and hopeless.
