Stupid?
That’s what lots of people have been saying when they found out that former Racine mayor Gary Becker purchased a batch of girlish-sized lingerie just two weeks ago.
If he hadn’t purchased the lingerie – or at least hadn’t been recognized and reported for the purchase – he might have walked away with probation at Wednesday’s court sentencing.
However, when the presiding judge found out about the lingerie purchase, he decided to revise his sentence to three years in prison, accompanied by extended post-release supervision. The former mayor was sitting before the judge, charged for his plan to meet and have sex with who he thought was a 14-year-old girl – but who turned out to be an undercover agent setting him up for an Internet sting.
Stupid?
As the judge noted, it’s not a crime to purchase women’s underwear at a department store in the local mall.
However, this man isn’t just any shopper. This is a man who was charged with a serious sex-related crime and had attended an expensive treatment center to address what is most surely a situation of compulsive sexual behavior. Within the context of this scenario, this purchase brings up a number of flags – flags that the judge appropriately noted and then questioned this man’s ability to adequately address and control his behavior.
All addictions – whether they involve alcohol, drugs, compulsive overeating, risk-taking sexual activity, gambling or whatever – are self destructive. The risk-taking behavior typically flares even higher during times of stress, when the rush of terrible excitement overrides the underlying slow-brewing anxiety.
Let’s put it this way: When you’re flying up and down the roller coaster’s steep curves, you don’t think about mowing the back yard, if you remembered to take the garbage out or the amount of the balance in your bank account.
Though we have no way of knowing Becker's exact reason for his choices, here are some general points to consider:
The person doesn’t consciously plan to be self destructive. The person isn’t even typically stupid. But he or she isn't able to manage the extreme pain and inner stress in what we would consider healthy and appropriate ways. In this case, we can imagine that a person would be rightly anxious to walk up the steps of the county court house, walk into a court room and face the judge who would determine the next chapter of a person’s life.
Many, many people who suffer serious addictions and compulsions are able to make significant changes and enjoy lives of peace and productivity with motivation, willingness, humility, support and the right treatment options. And others struggle and flounder. If there is anything good about this unsavory situation, it is the opportunity to learn more about how people use self-destructive behaviors to escape the reality of their inner world and how challenging it is to make changes.
Stupid?
More accurately, a painful and sad situation for all concerned.
