Lois Wilson's story tells the story of Al-Anon

Did you catch the recent tele-movie about Lois Wilson, the co-founder of Al-Anon?

It's a brilliant telling of the story of how families are affected by alcoholism and a reminder that you don't have to drink to suffer from alcoholism.

The recent tele-movie is "When Love Is Not Enough," is based on the newly reissued biography by William G. Borchert. It reveals the trials and triumph for co-founder of Al-Anon, whose alcoholic husband, Bill Wilson, was a co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous. It is the moving story about how the couple rose from a life of despair to institute one of the twentieth century's most important social movements, and how Lois created a legacy of hope for millions of families devastated by addiction through her uncommon love and unshakable faith.

A college-educated young woman from an affluent family, Lois married Bill in 1918, after his return from duty at the end of World War I. While Lois worked as an occupational therapist, Bill struggled to find his niche. Lois strongly believed that Bill was destined for greatness, and despite noticing an increase in his drinking habits, she showered him with love and support. By 1927, Bill was a lucrative securities analyst on Wall Street and the couple was living a luxurious lifestyle.

Despite Lois' countless efforts to control his drinking, Bill's addiction to alcohol spiraled out of control until his job, their lifestyle and dreams were gone. In 1935, after years of unsuccessfully struggling to cover for Bill and manage his disease, Lois saw him take control of his alcoholism. However, his sobriety was not the result of Lois' help but through the support of a fellow recovering alcoholic, Dr. Bob Smith.

As Bill and Bob attained sobriety and started Alcoholics Anonymous, Lois began to question the value she had in her own marriage. After devoting 17 years to healing her sick husband, Lois felt isolated and resentful that he was sober without her help. Lois eventually discovered that she was not alone. She slowly engaged the wives of the men in Bill's program and came to realize that while Bill was addicted to alcohol, she was addicted to him - and that the family and friends of alcoholics are, in some ways, as sick as their loved ones. Lois gained the necessary understanding needed to repair her fractured relationship and to help millions of others do the same. She co-founded Al-Anon in 1951.

Read many stories here about how Al-Anon is still very much helpful to distressed family members in the 21st century.

Here's a dramatic clip from the tele-movie:

Hope for stopping addictions...

Here’s a question that I frequently get:

“I (or someone I love) has an addiction. I wish that I there were something easy that I could do or say to change this fact. I get depressed about this. I don’t have health insurance either (or a health plan that isn’t very good) so help seems out of the question.

Addictions are devastating to families. Whether the addiction is booze, drugs, cigarettes – or gambling, sex or spending – all deeply affect the person who is addicted as well as the family. And the community too, but that is another blog entry at another time.

I don’t know there is an easy answer. However, after more than I can tell you that recovery and change are truly possible. Just by asking this question, you are already beginning a journey of change and growth.

There may be a tendency to give up in circumstances like these. However, these unfortunate situations also allow us to use our creativity.

I suggest you begin by reading. You can gain a lot of information by learning about alcohol and how it affects families and individuals. One of the classics is “It Can’t Happen To Me” by Claudia Black who dramatically shows how children of alcoholics repeat patterns of their family of origin, even when they don’t want to. My personal favorite – one that I use regularly with clients – is “Another Chance: Hope and Health For the Alcoholic Family” by Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse. She discusses how alcoholism is a disease that penetrates the whole person and the whole family. She describes the five roles that people act out in an alcoholic family (enabler, hero, scapegoat, lost child and mascot) and how each supports the addictive behavior of the alcoholic rather than the health and well being of the family. This book and others will give you practical ways to begin to heal and recover from this pain and trauma to the soul. Find more info at http://www.amazon.com/Another-Chance-Sharon-Wegscheider-Cruse/dp/0831400595.

Many people have found 12-step programs very helpful in making long-term changes. If you are not already familiar with these self-help groups, these groups can provide valuable sources of support to change these habitual behaviors of family members, such as caretaking, controlling and isolating. Al-Anon is designed for family members and friends of alcoholics and addicts who want to learn how to change their place in the family system; Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous are open to any person who wants to stop using alcohol or other drugs, legal and illegal. You can check out http://www.racinecentraloffice.com/ to learn about meeting schedules, and the RACO office, located behind Elmwood Plaza on Durand Avenue, has a book store with an excellent selection of books and pamphlets that is open to the public. Shop around for meetings, as different meetings have different personalities.

If a person is depressed and that person drinks alcohol, I say: stop drinking alcohol. Alcohol is a depressant, flattening the body’s central nervous system. Many people have found out that a change in diet eases depression. Take a look at the book, “Food and Mood” by Elizabeth Somer, a registered dietitian who shows how what we eat can amazingly and dramatically affect our mood. See: http://www.elizabethsomer.com/foodmood.php. Many people also find that the supplement, Omega-3 fish oil, can ease depression, and you can find a product of a fairly quality decent quality at your local drug store or supermarket or health food store. The psychiatrist I work with suggests experimenting with 6,000 to 10,000 milligrams per day.

If you don’t have health insurance, you may want to take a look at where you are spending your money. It turns out that many people spend quite a bit of money on “stuff” that ultimately isn’t satisfying but rather just a distraction from making changes. If funds are a real issue, please know that there are many psychotherapists who do offer reduced fees for highly motivated people.