Shock.
That's one emotion reverberating in the hearts and minds of most people -- city officials, colleagues, journalists and the general voting public -- who are hearing the news of the sex sting arrest of the mayor of Racine, Wisconsin.
Feelings of shock, as well as disappointment, sadness, anger, confusion, betrayal, mistrust and anxiety are common and normal feelings in such situations.
The feelings can be very intense when a person holds a specific attitude or belief about another person that turns out to be quite different.
Our view of the world has been shaken. Shaken badly. It can be difficult to reconcile the reality of what is happening with the image that we've held – maybe for a long time.
The shock also can contribute to a kind of a paralysis as people attempt to understand and integrate this new information intellectually. Therefore, it will be important for city employees and others to be mindful of certain steps that they can take to balance their lives and keep the city business running smoothly, as well as their own lives.
It is not professionally or ethically appropriate to comment on the circumstances relating to a particular person. However, many people struggle with legitimate questions that are very common when issues of this sort emerge.
Why might a person practice behaviors that jeopardize his or her job, position in the community, family relationships – or even their lives?
Such situations are much, much more common than we think. People can be very adept at keeping certain parts of their personalities hidden from many other people, even close friends and family.
Why would people take such risks when the consequences are so great?
Many people find themselves drawn to food, alcohol, nicotine and drugs, which alter their moods. Many other people find themselves drawn to the mood-altering components of activities -- especially that of risk taking. Evel Knievel jumped over cars other large items and found fame and fortune and, in some ways, respect. Some people climb mountains or join the Navy SEALS. Others, depending on their personality make up, are drawn to behaviors that may have very high excitement as well as very high risk. The risk of the forbidden often contributes to the sense of the high excitement as well.
Why am I so shocked?
When surprising information comes out, people are disoriented and question themselves because they thought they knew that person well or were a good judge of character.
I am not sure what I will say if I see this person again or if I will want to have contact with this person again.
It is also typical for people to grapple with how they will interact with a person who they now see very differently -- what they will say or how, or if, they will respond socially or in other ways. Stay with the process of noticing your feelings and processing your feelings – not gossiping! – with others and you will find your way.
I’m having a hard time getting my brain around this. I feel distracted and can’t concentrate very well.
The key is being able to identify and process the varied feelings in a healthy way (see blog posting, below) to regain your footing to make thoughtful and healthy decisions.
I feel embarrassed. Is that OK?
Often we are embarrassed to learn we have stereotypes about people who practice such behaviors– that they skulk behind bushes and have some obvious signs tacked on the back of their jackets. The truth is that perpetrators are male and female, and young, middle aged and older. They come from all walks of life and are often quite charming, attractive and socially skilled and are successfully capable of deflecting, minimizing, justifying or denying their behavior. They are business people, teachers, clergy persons, coaches, community leaders, politicians, doctors and people who purport to be healing professionals. There is a powerful story in the current Rolling Stone magazine about a female teacher – one of most popular teachers in her New Jersey school – who for months groomed and then seduced a 15-year-old boy while joking with her fellow faculty members who thought nothing odd of her behavior. See http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/25329318/sex_lies_and_phys_ed?source=music_news_rssfeed.
What should I say to my children?
We always must follow the legal precept of law, in that people are presumed innocent until an admission and confession is provided or until proven guilty in court. It’s also appropriate to say that some people practice behaviors that are not good for themselves or for other people or their communities. It’s also important to state that people are accountable for their actions. Use language that your children can understand according to their age. Don't feel you have to tell all the details as much as allow them to share their feelings and thoughts. If they talk about inappropriate touching or other odd behaviors they have experienced and do not feel good about, take this information seriously without becoming dramatic about it.
I’m feeling surprisingly affected by this even though I don’t know the person. Is that normal?
We can strongly react to certain news events, especially if those events remind us of our own life circumstances. For instance, many of my clients were grief stricken more than 10 years ago when Princess Diana died after a car crash. The incident reminded them of tragic deaths and sudden losses in their own lives, and they grieved anew. More recently, clients have reacted to the deaths of actor Heath Ledger, animal adventurer Steve Irwin and astronaut Laurel Clark. Similar reactions surface after reports of local gang shootings, murders, drownings or car accidents.
Individuals who may be especially affected by this news may be people who have experienced certain kinds of abuse, parents of children who have been abused and care-giving professionals who deal with these situations in their professional roles.
Is there any good that can come out of such a situation?
Such news stimulates people to learn more about certain social issues that they may not have thought very much about. That desire to educate themselves may be one of the few positives in what is otherwise always a difficult and painful situation. Others have the opportunity to look inside themselves to understand their behavior patterns or regrets more deeply as they observe how they react to the news. Some may be moved to reach out to get help for themselves to address the pain and improve their own lives. In Racine, many professionals and organizations provide psychotherapy and speakers and programs on various related topics, and there are books and resources in the library, book stores and online.
That's one emotion reverberating in the hearts and minds of most people -- city officials, colleagues, journalists and the general voting public -- who are hearing the news of the sex sting arrest of the mayor of Racine, Wisconsin.
Feelings of shock, as well as disappointment, sadness, anger, confusion, betrayal, mistrust and anxiety are common and normal feelings in such situations.
The feelings can be very intense when a person holds a specific attitude or belief about another person that turns out to be quite different.
Our view of the world has been shaken. Shaken badly. It can be difficult to reconcile the reality of what is happening with the image that we've held – maybe for a long time.
The shock also can contribute to a kind of a paralysis as people attempt to understand and integrate this new information intellectually. Therefore, it will be important for city employees and others to be mindful of certain steps that they can take to balance their lives and keep the city business running smoothly, as well as their own lives.
It is not professionally or ethically appropriate to comment on the circumstances relating to a particular person. However, many people struggle with legitimate questions that are very common when issues of this sort emerge.
Why might a person practice behaviors that jeopardize his or her job, position in the community, family relationships – or even their lives?
Such situations are much, much more common than we think. People can be very adept at keeping certain parts of their personalities hidden from many other people, even close friends and family.
Why would people take such risks when the consequences are so great?
Many people find themselves drawn to food, alcohol, nicotine and drugs, which alter their moods. Many other people find themselves drawn to the mood-altering components of activities -- especially that of risk taking. Evel Knievel jumped over cars other large items and found fame and fortune and, in some ways, respect. Some people climb mountains or join the Navy SEALS. Others, depending on their personality make up, are drawn to behaviors that may have very high excitement as well as very high risk. The risk of the forbidden often contributes to the sense of the high excitement as well.
Why am I so shocked?
When surprising information comes out, people are disoriented and question themselves because they thought they knew that person well or were a good judge of character.
I am not sure what I will say if I see this person again or if I will want to have contact with this person again.
It is also typical for people to grapple with how they will interact with a person who they now see very differently -- what they will say or how, or if, they will respond socially or in other ways. Stay with the process of noticing your feelings and processing your feelings – not gossiping! – with others and you will find your way.
I’m having a hard time getting my brain around this. I feel distracted and can’t concentrate very well.
The key is being able to identify and process the varied feelings in a healthy way (see blog posting, below) to regain your footing to make thoughtful and healthy decisions.
I feel embarrassed. Is that OK?
Often we are embarrassed to learn we have stereotypes about people who practice such behaviors– that they skulk behind bushes and have some obvious signs tacked on the back of their jackets. The truth is that perpetrators are male and female, and young, middle aged and older. They come from all walks of life and are often quite charming, attractive and socially skilled and are successfully capable of deflecting, minimizing, justifying or denying their behavior. They are business people, teachers, clergy persons, coaches, community leaders, politicians, doctors and people who purport to be healing professionals. There is a powerful story in the current Rolling Stone magazine about a female teacher – one of most popular teachers in her New Jersey school – who for months groomed and then seduced a 15-year-old boy while joking with her fellow faculty members who thought nothing odd of her behavior. See http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/25329318/sex_lies_and_phys_ed?source=music_news_rssfeed.
What should I say to my children?
We always must follow the legal precept of law, in that people are presumed innocent until an admission and confession is provided or until proven guilty in court. It’s also appropriate to say that some people practice behaviors that are not good for themselves or for other people or their communities. It’s also important to state that people are accountable for their actions. Use language that your children can understand according to their age. Don't feel you have to tell all the details as much as allow them to share their feelings and thoughts. If they talk about inappropriate touching or other odd behaviors they have experienced and do not feel good about, take this information seriously without becoming dramatic about it.
I’m feeling surprisingly affected by this even though I don’t know the person. Is that normal?
We can strongly react to certain news events, especially if those events remind us of our own life circumstances. For instance, many of my clients were grief stricken more than 10 years ago when Princess Diana died after a car crash. The incident reminded them of tragic deaths and sudden losses in their own lives, and they grieved anew. More recently, clients have reacted to the deaths of actor Heath Ledger, animal adventurer Steve Irwin and astronaut Laurel Clark. Similar reactions surface after reports of local gang shootings, murders, drownings or car accidents.
Individuals who may be especially affected by this news may be people who have experienced certain kinds of abuse, parents of children who have been abused and care-giving professionals who deal with these situations in their professional roles.
Is there any good that can come out of such a situation?
Such news stimulates people to learn more about certain social issues that they may not have thought very much about. That desire to educate themselves may be one of the few positives in what is otherwise always a difficult and painful situation. Others have the opportunity to look inside themselves to understand their behavior patterns or regrets more deeply as they observe how they react to the news. Some may be moved to reach out to get help for themselves to address the pain and improve their own lives. In Racine, many professionals and organizations provide psychotherapy and speakers and programs on various related topics, and there are books and resources in the library, book stores and online.
