You can find your balance after shock hits. Here are suggestions:
Breathe.
Know that you may have many feelings – denial, disbelief, anger, hurt, pain, fear, anxiety, guilt or and confusion. Or you may experience several feelings that seem contradictory or even irrational. These feelings are normal responses.
Identify the feelings. Naming your feelings will begin to give you power over them, rather than feeling overwhelmed by them.
Share your feelings with a trusted person or several trusted people. These people should be able to listen to your feelings without judgment or argument but accept your experience as it is.
Identify your strengths. Yes, we have experienced trauma, but we are more than trauma. Personal traits such as courage, creativity, persistence, the ability to be organized, the ability to think things through, compassion, the experience of surviving and learning from past painful events are all strengths, and there are many more. We also have strength relationships with others – people who care about us and love us, as well as other more abstract relationships that sustain us, such as love of music, perhaps, or empathy with nature – that are important to recognize.
Connect with others. It’s good to remind each other of our strengths and gifts when we are feeling overwhelmed. It’s also good to be connected so each of us know we’re not alone in a difficult situation.
Cry. Let the tears out – it is a great cleanser and gives relief to feelings that have been building.
Stamp your feet for 15 to 30 seconds, or more. This is an easy and safe way to release feelings, especially anger, and disperse negative energy.
Physical activity helps. Simple yoga stretches will release physical tension. Tai chi and chi gong is very good, as are walking and other kinds of exercising.
Focus on activities that are soothing – enjoying a cup of chamomile tea, giving yourself a foot massage, doing light or inspirational reading, spending time with your pets.
Journal. Keeping a diary or just writing notes to yourself is a good way to organize your thoughts and feelings when you are confused or do not have the opportunity to talk with people directly. You can also write about your strengths, questions that you have and other thoughts and needs.
Continue with your routine that gives your life balance and structure. Eat your meals, take your vitamins, attend to regular household chores, your health appointments and the like.
Avoid the natural tendency to want to condemn other peoples’ actions, place judgment or debate who is “right” and who is “wrong.” Rather, focus on how the experience is affecting you and notice the choices you have in your immediate surroundings.
Notice if you turn compulsively to food, alcohol, drugs, gambling, shopping, sex or other activities to minimize your distress. These are not helpful in such situations, including long term, and can create depression, financial stress, more shame, weight gain or addiction.
Ask for help if you need it. It is a sign of strength, not weakness, and will prevent bigger problems in the future. If you are concerned about someone else’s well being, let that person know in a gentle but direct way, and tell others, too, if you believe the situation is dire.
Remember to keep breathing.
