A tale of two wolves

A wise Cherokee grandfather is telling a story to his grandson.

The story is about two wolves – two wolves that seem to be fighting within a human, a two-legged as the natives call the humans. Each wolf is big and strong and the battle is fierce.

One wolf is filled with anger, negativity, fear, arrogance, greed, superiority and false pride. The other wolf contains the qualities of peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.

It is a great battle, says the elder, as his grandson listens.

The grandson thought about this fight for a little while. “Which one will win?” the curious child asks the grandfather.

And the grandfather answers:

“The one you feed.”

I don’t know if this story is true or not, or even if it belongs to the Cherokee nation or is just one of those tales that is passed around the Internet. However, one another level, this story is most definitely true. The fact is that what we choose to focus on will grow within our minds. It will soon dominate our thoughts and shade our mood. In the world, we will be alert to confirmations of the qualities of one world or another.

If we focus on our resentments and all the ways that we have been mistreated and misunderstood, we certainly will begin to feel like victims, full of pain and hopelessness. However, if we acknowledge our pain but focus on the blessings that rain into our world, we will grow in our ability to bless our present and our future.

Negativity can also poison our relationships with others. If we have a friend or family member whom we decide is thoughtless, we will watch for all those times when he or she is thoughtless, or careless, or wrong. We won’t be able to see – or will notice for barely a fleeting moment – when the person is caring, or concerned, or loving. The observations will infect the relationship as certainly as any real toxic substance.

What wolf do you feed?

Stopping smoking? Here's a kit to help you

Wisconsin's new ban on smoking in public places goes into effect on July 5, 2010.

Karen Carnabucci, a psychotherapist at Lake House Health & Learning Center, and Arthur Shattuck, Chinese medicine practitioner at Roots and Legends, have put together recommendtations for a kit that will support you in stopping smoking. These kit ingredients may be used on their own or to supplement professional treatment. You might want to make the kit with a group of friends who could serve as a support system for each other. We hope that it will give you support and strategies to help you in your intention to stop smoking and grow in good health.

Here is what is included and why:

Xiao Yao Wan, the Chinese herbal tea that is both soothing to drink and assists in detoxifying the nicotine from the body.

Lemon to make lemon juice -- add juice to a warm glass of water and take each morning and evening to cleanse the liver

Dental floss may be used to floss after meals, a primary time for many smokers to have a cigarette. The flossing not only promotes good dental hygiene but also gives the individual a new and healthy ritual to replace the habit of smoking after a meal.

Cotton in small bottle that is scented with lavender essential oil; lavender is a soothing scent that naturally relaxes the nervous system. The scented bit of cotton may be sniffed during times of stress or craving.

Indes card with help line numbers. Reaching out to talk and get options to a cigarette is helpful during times of craving. You may also list a number of supportive friends who are willing to take your calls when you are feeling a craving. The toll-free Wisconsin Quit Line is (877) 270-7867; you may also dial 211 for other resources.

Pen to add additional numbers of friends and other supportive places to call.

Natural licorice twig, which may be chewed or nibbled in place of snacks or sugary candy. Chinese licorice, which is called Gan Cao, contains a sweet component that actually lowers sugar cravings and appears to make cigarettes taste unpleasant if there is a slip. It is the only herb that relaxes all of the body’s 12 meridians and therefore makes a person a little less tense.

Sticker to remind you of your commitment to your health. It may be placed in a location that has been a common smoking place, such as the telephone or car. Use additional “sticky” notes as needed.

Inspirational statement may be read as many times as you wish as a reminder to keep your commitment to your good health. Here are are some samples:

• Many people have successfully stopped smoking, and I can too!



• I can take time to remember all the reasons that I have stopped smoking.


• I am free of nicotine. I am taking good care of my health.


• I am free at last -- no longer a slave to cigarettes!


• I turn away from cigarettes and turn toward a healthy life.


• This minute in this day, I am smober…a no smoker!


• I enjoy breathing deeply with my clean lungs. My lungs thank me for new energy.


• I am capable. I have strengths. I want to live.


• I am proud of myself.


• I am reducing my health risks and increasing my health capacity.


• It’s OK for me to reach for help rather than a cigarette.

Remember to practice deep breathing and simple yoga stretches to cleanse and comfort your body. Tai chi or qi gong are also helpful, as is exercise including walking. Give yourself a simple massage or find someone to give you a massage.

Hopes, hoops, optimism and options

Here we were in Chicago, surrounded by young African-American men.

The young men were tall, very tall, and garbed in the typical hip-hop wardrobe of wildly long shirts and extra-baggy pants.

And they were everywhere in this high-class hotel in Chicago. Strolling the lobby. Riding the elevator. Going to a nearby deli to fetch a take-out lunch.

The young men, surely dreaming of a career in the big leagues, were participating in pre-draft camp for prospective National Basketball Association players recently. In the same city where "Hoop Dreams" was filmed in 1994, the athletes had just finished three days of drills at a nearby college. Now they were receiving thorough physical examinations from a group of physicians specializing in sports medicine.

On the first evening, we shared an elevator with three of the athletes. It was easy to imagine the pressure that each of the young men was feeling. Hardly boisterous, their faces showed serious expressions. And this was serious business. Only a very few would take their place among the chosen ones. And being one of the "chosen" could ultimately mean a multi-million-dollar contract, worldwide fame and a life of travel and excitement, playing with NBA legends.

"I just want to go home," blurted one of the athletes to his new friends.

The next day, I saw another athlete in the lobby, carefully holding his lunch, a turkey and tomato sandwich fresh from the deli.

"How's it going?" I asked, wondering if his answer would echo yesterday's comment.

"It's good," he said, with a genuine smile on his face. "Real good. I think it's going to work out."

Now, all of this got me thinking about the attitude of optimism, the ability to stand tall in the uncertainties of life.

Martin Seligman and his colleagues at the University of Pennsylvania have been studying optimism for nearly 30 years. They actually teach the skills of optimism to help people look at the world with sunlight rather than gloom. The idea is that this attitude not only makes a difference in our emotional outlook, it also contributes to improved health. Optimistic people are generally more able to resist illness, including the common cold. When they are sick, they recover more quickly.

Optimism doesn't mean a denial of our distress, pretending everything is all right when it isn't. It means that we are able to find the spark of goodness in a situation and make healthy and useful choices. Optimists look at the glass as half full, trusting that new opportunities will appear in their world. Pessimists look at the glass as half-empty, anticipating doom and helplessness.

Seligman, the author of "Authentic Happiness," identifies three thinking styles separate these outlooks.

Pessimists blame themselves excessively when things go wrong. Optimists take responsibility for their mistakes and are able to assess situation the situation realistically, finding their strengths in the midst of challenges.

Pessimists believe the problem is permanent, not temporary. Optimists know the problem won't last forever and trust they'll find good times ahead.

Pessimists are sure that the problem will contaminate every area of their lives. Optimists, although able to recognize that things need improvement, are readily able to recognize parts of their lives are going well.

The good news is that we can shift our outlook from gloomy to sunny. Motivated people can notice patterns of thinking that are shaded with pessimism. With awareness and effort -- and maybe some note taking and the help of a friend or two-- we can reorganize thought patterns that show hope, strength and choices. This takes practice because our habitual thoughts seem to have a life or their own. In reality, we are the source of our thoughts.

Christine Shields Kann is one such optimistic thinker. A Racine businesswoman, wife, mother, volunteer and sports fan, she is known by her friends and colleagues for her relentless refusal to go negative.

"Of course, everyone has moments of frustration," she says. "But who can afford to be negative all the time? You have to keep moving forward."

As a teen, she developed a severe back problem that demanded the wearing of a brace. Doctors predicted she would have a myriad of related health problems that would limit her physical abilities. She proved the prognosis wrong, becoming a state-ranked competitive swimmer.

Now a competitive amateur golfer, she loves the sport's maxim to "play it where it lies."

You don't always get the ideal shot," she says. "You have to think about what club you're going to use, what risk you're going to take, and forge ahead," she says. "You can't sit and whine about it. You have to take that shot and do the best you can. It's the same in life."

Back in Chicago, we saw two men sitting at the curb of the hotel, with a box of deflated basketballs nearby. As the young players walked by, the men called out to the would-be NBA stars, asking them to sign the basketballs.

The two men were a pair of entrepreneurs. And I'd say they were also optimists, trusting that the names on the balls would be worth something some day.

Systemic Constellation Work is the new frontier in healing

What if some of your feelings did not really belong to you – but came from one of your ancestors and you simply “inherited” them?

Systemic Constellation Work – sometimes called Family Constellation Work – is a remarkable healing process that has emerged from Germany in the past 30 years. It posits that our ancestors' suffering has leaked into our own lives, causing our own suffering, and that modern medicine and psychotherapy cannot fully relieve this pain due to its relentless focus on the individual rather than the larger family system.

Developed by Bert Hellinger, a former priest, missionary and psychotherapist, this process looks like blend of ancestor reverence, psychodrama and family systems therapy. Yet it is also nothing like anything you’ve seen before. Hellinger developed this process to address the suffering of the descendants of the German Nazis and the survivors of Europe’s Holocaust victims, but everyone soon figured that the healing that emerged was helpful to release deep patterns embedded in the family system, no matter that the issue of distress was physical illness or emotional distress. Rather than explore stories, emotions or cognitive content, it identifies the energetic blockages within the “soul” of the family. The facilitator helps restore the natural orders that must be present in the larger family system before all can experience love and feel peace.

Constellation work is gradually finding its way to the Midwest, thanks to my psychodrama colleague Ron Anderson who discovered the method in the early 2000s. I’ve now been studying this approach with Heinz Stark, a German psychotherapist who was one of Hellinger’s original followers for two years, and I am now integrating much of this work in my individual sessions with people; Friday’s introductory group session will be the first of several groups that we are planning at Lake House Health & Learning Center. See calendar for more information and how to register.

Dodie Corcoran is a massage therapist and bodyworker who has adapted Constellation Work for bodywork and periodically offers Constellation groups in Woodstock, Ill. I like how she describes this unique work:

This trans-generational healing process will bring to light that certain tragedies and pains your ancestors suffered years ago may adversely affect you or your loved ones today. Like open wounds held in your family's collective soul, resolution and reconciliation are still being sought out in the present, even though the events may have long passed, and the people involved may long be deceased.

The soul’s need for healing and closure remains like an irrevocable binding force, whereby innocent and unknowing family members from future generations get entangled in the fates of those who lived before. Such entanglements can truly be disastrous because family members are then not free to live their own lives, unconsciously perpetuating difficulties, tragedies, injustices and crimes - often for many, many generations.

This work may also reveal that your life’s present or recurring challenges may be directly connected to painful events or personally committed guilt from your own life still in need of closure, healing or reconciliation. Your soul can be held captive for years in this way, making it impossible for you to move forward in your life in a good direction. And if you are a parent, it may possibly entangle your child.

The beauty of this work lies in the fact that once entanglements are brought to light, unresolved issues can be brought to a peaceful close. Once that happens, we are set free from the forces that held us captive, even though we may have never known until then that we had been bound at all. Supportive healing energy, life force and love suddenly can touch us, thereby opening the doors for us to stand fully in our own life with peace, clarity and strength.

Learn more about Dodie and her services here. Hellinger’s voluminous writings can be found at his site here. Here is one of his basic thoughts:

"There is nothing a child won't do to help the family, even to the detriment of self."

Read more about where I go to study here and see the wide number of books and videos that are now available on this subject. For readers, the book, “Love’s Hidden Symmetry: What Makes Love Work In Relationships” by Bert Hellinger, Gunthard Weber and Hunter Beaumont is a good place to begin. Another is The Healing Power of the Past: A New Approach to Healing Family Wounds by Berthold Ulsamer.

By the way, The idea that we inherit feelings and experiences from our ancestors is now being proven by science. Here's an amazing video from BCC, "The Truth In Our Genes," here. You can find several examples of actual Constellation sessions on YouTube – just go to to the site and search for “Systemic Family Constellation Work.” Most of them are in another language but you can get the idea of how it looks.

Veterans, trauma and steps toward healing

Years ago, a veteran told me, "I was never really prepared for the reality of war."

As a psychotherapist, I often think about his powerful observation when I work with people who have suffered various kinds of trauma. His comment continues to prove true as I hear stories from people who have been affected deeply by various kinds of trauma, whether war, abuse, crime or Sept. 11.

There are several realities to the experience of trauma, which we can describe generally as a situation that is a shock to the system of the human being. The experience calls upon all of our resources -- physical, mental and emotional -- to survive.

There are a number of online resources about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, a normal response to war which affects many veterans after their service; one of the most comprehensive is The National Center for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, offering information for veterans and families as well as health care providers.

After the survival of war, the self continues to feel the reverberations of the event. These after-effects may show up in many ways:

Hypervigilance. Keeping highly watchful is an important survival skill in wartime. In ordinary life, however, this watchfulness creates huge problems; the veteran is unable to relax and perhaps may find himself or herself suspicious of others, having difficulty in crowds and certain situations, even in close relationships.

Unexpected trauma bubbles. Ordinary events, such as seeing an insect crawling up the wall or hearing helicopter noise on a sunny day, can be extremely unsettling. They stir up feelings both consciously and unconsciously that make us erupt in anger and irritability or sink into depression, which cause personal difficulty and problems in relationships with significant others, family members and friends. Although the veteran may sometimes feel "crazy," these are normal responses to the experience of trauma.

Drug and alcohol abuse and addiction. Mood-altering substances may seem to help veterans relax the super-vigilance, stop nightmares of painful image-memories, and numb emotions that may be too difficult to bear or even identify. Use of drugs and alcohol, however, can cause serious physical health problems, and contribute to further depression since alcohol actually depresses the central nervous system and other chemicals play havoc with brain chemistry generally. Addiction, too, can create even bigger problems for the veteran.

Many veterans shy away from talking about their experiences or reaching for help because they do not believe help or healing is possible. However, the good news is that healing IS possible, as we are able to understand more clearly than ever before the components of trauma and the needs for true recovery. The first step is to admit that the war experience has affected you, perhaps even in ways that you cannot name. The next step is to reach out for resources that reduce isolation, which in itself causes depression and emotional distress.

The newest scientific research is helping us understand more clearly how traumatic experiences are stored in the body and mind. Therefore, while traditional counseling is important, other means of help are equally valuable.

Experiential modes of psychotherapy -- such as EMDR, creative arts therapies and psychodrama -- are extremely helpful in accessing the parts of the brain where trauma memories reside. So are various kinds of bodywork treatments and other modalities, such as acupuncture and acupressure which can reduce stress as well as physical pain. Some veterans have found that regimens of breathing, yoga and energy work, including Reiki, are relaxing and stabilizing -- sometimes reducing physical pain or distress as well as contributing to mental calming.

Psychologist Ed Tick has documented significant healing of veterans in his book, "War and the Soul," that includes genuine connections with older veterans and others in the community, Native American ceremony and sweat lodges, storytelling and other non-medical means. Sometimes the best healer is the hope that is generated within a human being by knowing someone who has survived trauma and has found healing and peace.

Simple coaching tips for resumes

As most everyone knows, job hunting in these economic times is a highly competitive sport.

Just the other day, I had the opportunity to review a resume of a retired businessman who was making plans to return to work. Such reviews are often part of my coaching sessions, as I work with career changers, newly graduating seniors and people who for many reasons, inlcuding layoffs, are seeking employment. In this world of layoffs and scare news, take heart. A good resume and a good attitude can make the difference.

The best time to look for a job? When you've got one. You can take your time to write, edit and polish, as well as network, gather references and job prospects.

First, the simple stuff:

Use your spell checker. Then proofread for spelling, grammar and punctuation. Then proofread again. If you aren’t great at these tasks, get a grammar book or ask a friend who has excellent English skills to proofread for you.

You can find resume templates online to make your resume look really crisp. My favorite choices come from Microsoft, which has a library of good-looking templates that fit a variety of needs. Click here for more info.

Then:

Use action words to note what you have DONE and how you have been valuable to each organization where you have worked. Words like “pioneered,” “introduced,” “integrated,” and the like make you a valuable employee and therefore valuable to the organization and its success. If you have saved the organization money, developed new procedures that have helped with efficiency, better service or some other advantage, be sure to mention them.

Spend some time to take inventory of your special contributions to each work setting. Don’t think you have to go on and on with lots of verbage – give the message clearly and directly. Don’t feel afraid to brag. You’ll want make yourself look very good.

If you have done volunteer work, include it on your resume. Ask the person who has been or is your volunteer “boss” to provide you with a letter of praise, a reference or both.

Don’t think you have to say everything in your resume. Remember that you will also have an accompanying cover letter, at which place you can go into detail about special skills or attributes for a specific job. Each cover letter should be crafted to address a specific job that is available.

There are a zillion books that can help you craft a really good resume. You can find them in your local book store, online or at your public library. One is The Resume Handbook: How to Write Outstanding Resumes and Cover Letters for Every Situation by Arthur D. Rosenberg.

Time to Eat Right Racine!

Make Racine more healthy!

Yes, this is a worthy goal, and has been one of my missions for some time now. And just yesterday I got a sneak peak at a wonderful new movement called Eat Right Racine that you’ll be hearing more about.

Eat Right Racine is a small group of people, including my energetic friend Heidi Fannin, a massage therapist and nutritional consultant, who are getting ready to educate people, parents, schools and community leaders. They want to see our city become healthier, happier, and more educated about the food that we eat.

I like this. Count me in, Heidi. For years, I’ve been preaching about the importance of healthy food, not only for our bodies but also for our minds and spirits. There’s mounting evidence that people who eat poorly – junk food, sugar, soda and the like – not only gain weight and develop physical health problems but also suffer mood swings, depression and anxiety. There's more. Cravings -- often caused by processed foods that contain appetite stimulants -- can cause shame and pain due to compulsive overeating and even start and exacerate addictions to alcohol and other drugs.

That’s where Eat Right Racine comes in. Its goals:

• Improve the quality of food that is fed to the students that attend schools within the Racine Unified School District.


• Help educate parents on nutritional issues so that they can feed their families healthy and delicious food that improves health, wellness, and self-esteem.


• Teach the residents of Racine how to find and prepare locally grown food.


• Encourage others to become informed about food so that they can teach these healthy habits that can change lives.

I love this and I'm going to do all I can to promote this project.

The new site Eat Right Racine includes ideas for children’s lunches, easy-to-prepare recipes for healthy meals plus interesting links about food, including Alice Waters' and Katrina Heron’s article for The New York Times on redesigning the traditional school lunch program.

Anxiety disorder may be linked to strep throat

Doctors and psychotherapists are now learning there are two kinds of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

The regular OCD – which is a neurobiological condition which is characterized by obsessive behaviors -- involves repetitive unwanted thoughts, ideas or images typically about harm that intrude in the mind and won't let up and compulsions-repetitive behaviors (washing hands, counting, tapping, checking) in an attempt to ward off perceived risk and harm. Unlike everyday worries, obsessions are experienced as disturbing, bizarre, senseless and counter to the child's sense of self.

Now there is also PANDAS – known as Pediatric Autoimmune Neuropsychiatric Disorders Associated with Strep – which is a subtype of OCD. For approximately 25 percent of children who have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, the sudden onset of the OCD is exacerbated or triggered by strep throat, in which the body's own immune cells attack a part of the brain, the basal ganglia, rather than the strep. This disorder does not occur in all children, but only those who have a genetic predisposition to OCD or tics. The difficulty in diagnosing may occur because the OCD can develop shortly after the strep infection but many times months after, and the strep infection could have been so minor that it was not treated. It is most common in children who have not yet reached puberty, though it is not limited to this age group.

The biggest difference between regular OCD and PANDAS-OCD is the sudden onset. OCD usually develops slowly over weeks, months or even years; however, PANDAS OCD seems to come out of the blue with parents saying one day their child woke up a different kid. There are also other symptoms that help differentiate the 2 types of OCD. PANDAS OCD is also characterized by:

• Choreiform movements: involuntary or irregular writhing movements of the legs, arm or face


• Presence of tics and/or hyperactivity


• Irritability, temper tantrums, or mood lability


• Nighttime difficulties


• Severe nightmares and new bedtime rituals or fears


• Separation anxiety


• Age regression: going back to younger developmental stage


• New handwriting problems, loss of math skills, sensory sensitivities

One of the most thorough books on OCD for parents is Freeing Your Child from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder by Tamar Chansky. If a parent is looking for a book to read to the child, try Mr. Worry: A Story About OCD by Holly Niner. For more, see Worry Wise Kids or this special link on PANDAS.

It's true - depression can break your heart

It’s true. Depression can break your heart.

Depression almost doubles the risk of developing heart disease over 12 years, according to a long-term study of twins. The findings are to be reported today at the American Psychosomatic Society meeting in Chicago. Mounting evidence has found that depression makes people more vulnerable to heart trouble. Recent studies, though, find that some genes that increase the risk of heart disease also may make people more prone to depression, which has raised the question of whether the depression-heart disease link is genetic. Read more at USA Today link.

The biology of addiction

Evidence is piling up that there is a genetic component to alcoholism and addiction. Michael Ferguson, a professional associated with the California treatment center Sober Living By The Sea, puts it this way:

"Genetics load the gun, and environment pulls the trigger.”

Research is showing that people with a certain gene have a tendency towards being unable to quit once they have started drinking or using drugs. However, if an individual has a great support system of family and friends, a good education and the understanding of a family history where addiction has been threading its way through the genrations, then addiction is certainly preventable.

For more on addiction and genes, here is a video worth watching.

What is a good psychotherapist?

You should have the sense that the pyschotherapist “gets” who you are and what difficulties you are experiencing.

The good therapist should be able to offer you hope that your difficulty is able to be addressed and solved — perhaps not immediately but with time and attention.

A good therapist should be attentive and able to listen well, provide support and validation while also able to be honest with you about your challenges and blind spots.

He or she should be informed about community resources and able to offer you additional information (books, videos, Web sites, support groups and other sources within the community) that may be helpful.

If your problem is outside of the experience and the scope of the therapist’s practice, he or she should be able to refer you to a competant professional who should be able to help you.

A few words about sex addiction and "cures"

Yesterday’s request of Racine’s former mayor to attend treatment center for compulsive sexual behavior and trauma are bringing his legal charges – and discussions about sex addiction – back into the public eye.

Many people are asking if individuals who are attracted to unhealthy and destructive forms of sexual activity can be "cured.”

This is a complicated question. An answer about a “cure” – or lack of same – would be very easy to answer if all offenders fit an identical profile.

However, there are many profiles of a person who acts compulsively with regard to sexual activity – just as there are many profiles with individuals who are caught up with compulsive use of alcohol, drugs, spending, gambling and other high-risk behaviors. Here, it is important to have a thorough assessment by professionals who are able to determine long-term behavior patterns and the true level of the illness. Sometimes the illness is contributes to activities that break the law -- for instance, an alcoholic who has a car accident when driving while intoxicated is acountable for that accident and injuries or deaths that result. In most areas, it is not against the law to gamble, but legal authorities will be calling if you embezzle money from your employer. With respect to sex addiction, individuals may find themselves in legal trouble if their actions violate a law; a pedophile is defined ins psychological terms one who is attracted to children, 13 years of age and younger, and there are other laws as well. Addictions of all kinds affect the brain, and the person’s brain can be retrained to respond to triggers differently and to learn and practice healthy behaviors. Addictions cannot be "cured." But they can be treated, and a recovering person can learn how to abstain from destructive behavior and respond with healthy choices with awareness, motivation and support. Many good programs are available for in-depth treatment which often includes treatment for depression and anxiety; The Keystone treatment center employs a variety of standard and innovative treatment modalities, including psychodrama, a powerful action method that is often used in psychotherapeutic settings.

Keystone's Web site provides a good overall view of how sexual acting-out behaviors can damage people, marriages, jobs and families – just as alcohol and drugs do. There is an excellent article by Susan J. Campling, Psy.D., the center’s director, that should answer many common questions. She says:

“Today we understand the powerlessness the addicted person feels and have begun to recognize that the pleasure of addiction, the “high” can result from substances outside and inside of the person. Behaviors can trigger the release of internally produced chemicals that create the pleasure high and at least temporarily, alter mood. Sex, gambling, exercise and shopping are only a few of the behaviors that can alter a person’s mood. When the addicted person continues to engage in these behaviors despite negative consequences, we see the footprints of addiction.

I must challenge views that inpatient treatment is “ineffective.”

When I worked as a psychotherapist at Caron Treatment Centers, an inpatient treatment center for chemically addicted persons and their families in Wernersville, Pa., we often referred to other centers for specialized treatment, such as eating disorders, sex addiction and the like. Keystone, located in a nearby county, was one of several referral options.

Inpatient treatment at a quality treatment center gives the individual the opportunity to fully focus on addressing the illness without distractions that daily life presents. It is a real chance to make significant changes, if the person is motivated to learn and grow. Part of the learning is to identify healthy risks that lead to help and healing rather than unhealthy risks that lead to secrecy and shame.

It’s also important that a person, once discharged, is willing to follow recommendations of continuing care. Such recommendations might involve ongoing outpatient therapy, participation at self-help meetings, abstinence from mood-altering chemicals and other lifestyle alterations.

Another important resource is Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, a 12-step group that offers a simple and yet very effective program for individuals who are motivated to recover. Its name refers to both to individuals who are addicted to some sort of sexual activity, as well as those who have a chronic and compulsive preoccupation with romance, intrigue or fantasy. Others have found help at a similar group, Sex Addicts Anonymous.

SLAA and SAA are structured self-help programs based on the original steps of Alcoholics Anonymous – which has literally helped millions of people to recover from compulsive use of alcohol and birthed many other helpful groups, including Narcotics Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous and Nicotine Anonymous and programs for family members of those addicted.

As Susan Campling says:

“Today, it is no longer socially acceptable to laugh at the pain of alcoholism. Today we continue to glorify the sexual conquests of TV stars and pass judgment upon the "moral failings” of persons unable to stop their sexual acting out. We freely use words like “pervert,” “nympho” and lecher. Perhaps it is our fear that diseases can happen to anyone and that we are all vulnerable that is intolerable. Instead of drunks or perverts, persons suffering from addiction, might be something else. They might be people worthy of our understanding and compassion. They might be us.”

See her complete essay, “As We Raise Our Head from Shame to Grace,” here.

For more information, see SLAA’s site here and SLA's site here with additional helpful links here. Professionals can learn more about psychodrama and sex addiction at my blog for professionals here.

Massage therapy school has its own blog

The professional massage therapy school at the Wisconsin Institute of Natural Wellness now has its own blog! It's still brand new, but you can find some basics of the school -- now taking applications for the September 2009 school year -- as well as massage therapy links, massage news and links of alumni, including Lake House's own Helene Hellesen and Judy Warner. Check it out here.

Why yoga and psychotherapy make a great fit

As a psychotherapist, coach and educator -- and sometime yoga practitioner -- I have repeatedly observed that yoga is an excellent adjunct to psychotherapy. Actually, it's an excellent adjunct for any kind of path of growth, personal or professional, because it helps stabilize us and helps us take in learning, accelerate change and advance spiritually.

Contemporary psychotherapy has become more interested in neurobiology -- the interaction of the many hormones and other chemicals within sections of our brains -- which affect our emotions and behaviors. We know that the chemicals can be shifted and changed in a variety of ways: by medication, by certain experiential therapies, and by yoga.

I have found that many people benefit from yoga, often in surprising ways: a teen-ager who denies the effects of marijuana on her body learns that she cannot breathe very well during a posture; an overwhelmed care-taking mother learns to slow down and take time for herself; a business man who is experiencing high blood pressure begins to relax and feel more in control of his body. A study published in a recent issue of Psychology of Women Quarterly reported that mind-body exercise, such as yoga, is associated with greater body satisfaction and fewer symptoms of eating disorders than traditional aerobic exercise like jogging or using cardio machines. Yoga practitioners reported less self-objectification, greater satisfaction with physical appearance, and fewer disordered eating attitudes compared to non-yoga practitioners.

Here are ways that yoga is helpful:

Sometimes we think too much and we need to clean our brains. Our thoughts fill our heads and seem to control our entire reality with "When…" and "What if…" Yoga, as a method of uniting mind, body and spirit, seems to bring the thoughts in the body. When you are focusing a posture with a good stretch, mindful of hand and feet placement and taking a breath, there is little time to ruminate and worry.

Yoga postures also aid in releasing emotions in a healthy way. If it is stress, your boyfriend or your job making your emotions go wild, the postures help contain the emotions and release them in a safe and appropriate way. No one is embarrassed or confronted with angry outbursts, and

Yoga reduces stress and helps us slow down in this fast, fast world. When we are calm, we are able to make decisions, large and small, more clearly. Sleeping better, and therefore feeling more rested, also contributes to optimism and energy rather than exhaustion and irritability.

Yoga helps reduce pain and physical discomfort. It is hard to be cheerful and optimistic when you are in physical pain. For many people, the pain and the limitations that it causes in each person's personal life creates depression.

Yoga is self caring. Many people who have few self-care habits can begin to appreciate their bodies and what their bodies can accomplish. Motivation and dedication, rather than expensive equipment, increases a person's ability to care for self, and some of the benefits can be experienced almost immediately.

Yoga offers a comforting philosophy that complements psychological principles. It gives attention to the body while also identifying the importance of the mind, the spirit and numerous lifestyle choices.

If you practice in a group, you have a ready-made support group. Your teacher and fellow students will be glad to see you -- or they should be glad to see you in a good and well-run yoga class! -- and you will widen your support network. Community helps us feel more connected and less isolated; research studies have shown that people who enjoy a wide social network appear to be more healthy and live longer.

Having written this, I also will say that there are times when yoga is not suitable for someone in the therapeutic process, either at a specific moment in time or in general. I can remember one woman that I worked with who experienced difficulty and stress. The woman -- who was a survivor of sexual abuse perpetrated by her sadistic mother -- had been referred by her psychotherapist to one of the best yoga instructors in the community. The idea was that the yoga would help her feel more connected to her body.

The woman felt uneasy with the class, which took place in a partially lighted room, and she experienced strong triggers when the instructor moved from student to student to correct postures. Despite the gentleness the instructor, the class was simply too threatening. The woman later found relief and growth with a male bodyworker who worked with her in one-to-one sessions with other modalities where she felt more safe and comfortable.

Nevertheless, yoga is a very good thing for most people. A good instructor should hear your concerns and adapt instruction to fit your needs. I am always looking to refer people to yoga.

Top 6 health trends for 2009

We're just into the beginnings of 2009, the time when experts are looking forward with predictions for headlines for the year.

One of the areas that is often neglected -- despite its growing interest by public and professionals alike -- is that of alternative and complementary heath. These trends surely will affect businesses, both large and small, as well as the way that health care is sought and delivered in our communities. Here is my list of top health trends:

Interest in alternative treatments will experience a second surge. As more mainstream medications, from Aleve to Prozac to Vioxx, are showing seriously dangerous side effects, we'll be looking for new solutions to minimize health conditions. Even though interest in alternative treatments is already high, more people, practitioners and patients will be willing to experiment with new remedies, activities and lifestyle changes to avoid these kinds of medications. Yoga, tai chi, qigong, Feldenkrais, imagery, acupuncture and other exercises and modalities will continue to gain attention due to their ability to calm, soothe and attend to medical situations such as chronic pain, hypertension, obesity and stress.

Along with the growth of interest in alternative medicine, there will be a growth in the interest of alternative psychotherapy and personal and business coaching. "Alternatives" don't just come down to herbs, massage and yoga, as valuable as they are. People can experience significant growth and change -- often in short amounts of time -- with activities that use drama, guided imagery, music therapy, art therapy, sand tray therapy and other modalities that speak to people's whole selves, not just symptoms.

In our buy-buy culture and go-go lives, we'll step up the need for personal satisfaction rather than external achievement. This may well mean a "diet" on activities, trimming our schedule of overextended lifestyles and creating routines and opportunities for our overstressed bodies and minds. Products and services, including personal coaching, will assist in helping us focus on what is really satisfying and comforting.

As insurance costs bump up, a greater push to keep students and employees healthy. This will mean a closer examination of cafeteria food in schools and vending machines in work places, including information on how eating patterns create stress, obesity and health and behavior problems. Food processing companies and vendors are upgrading their searches to develop and market products that are not only healthy but actually promote health.

Special interest treatments will be developed for special interest groups. Studies are showing that various groups, whether ethnic or otherwise, are at higher risk for certain health concerns. Just one for-instance: a research study is showing showing high rates of smoking in the LGBT (Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender) community. In some parts of the country, LGBT smoking rates can be as much as 50 percent higher than their heterosexual counterparts, making nicotine an emerging public health priority for LGBT individuals.

Nicotine treatment programs will gradually become more varied and incorporate alternative methods of treatment, care and support. These alternative methods may include acupuncture, non-traditional psychotherapy, online support groups, herbal therapy, dietary changes or a combination of unique interventions designed to fit the individual's needs. More insurance companies are offering help with nicotine cessation, too, as it becomes apparent that nicotine use hurts health and contributes to many illnesses and conditions. The fact is that smoking kills more people each year than HIV/AIDS, car accidents and drug and alcohol use combined.

What to do when your kid provokes you

Here’s an easy-to-read article from one of my favorite sites, www.slate.com, about parenting:

The article, by Alan Kazdin, Ph.D and Carlo Rotella, offers thoughts to guide parents to a more helpful and calming response to children who are defiant or acting out.

The article describes various ways of responding to the defiant act and predicts both the immediate and long-term results of such responses. “The Parking Ticket” turns out the best solution. Read more here, plus the sidebar here.

Hope for stopping addictions...

Here’s a question that I frequently get:

“I (or someone I love) has an addiction. I wish that I there were something easy that I could do or say to change this fact. I get depressed about this. I don’t have health insurance either (or a health plan that isn’t very good) so help seems out of the question.

Addictions are devastating to families. Whether the addiction is booze, drugs, cigarettes – or gambling, sex or spending – all deeply affect the person who is addicted as well as the family. And the community too, but that is another blog entry at another time.

I don’t know there is an easy answer. However, after more than I can tell you that recovery and change are truly possible. Just by asking this question, you are already beginning a journey of change and growth.

There may be a tendency to give up in circumstances like these. However, these unfortunate situations also allow us to use our creativity.

I suggest you begin by reading. You can gain a lot of information by learning about alcohol and how it affects families and individuals. One of the classics is “It Can’t Happen To Me” by Claudia Black who dramatically shows how children of alcoholics repeat patterns of their family of origin, even when they don’t want to. My personal favorite – one that I use regularly with clients – is “Another Chance: Hope and Health For the Alcoholic Family” by Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse. She discusses how alcoholism is a disease that penetrates the whole person and the whole family. She describes the five roles that people act out in an alcoholic family (enabler, hero, scapegoat, lost child and mascot) and how each supports the addictive behavior of the alcoholic rather than the health and well being of the family. This book and others will give you practical ways to begin to heal and recover from this pain and trauma to the soul. Find more info at http://www.amazon.com/Another-Chance-Sharon-Wegscheider-Cruse/dp/0831400595.

Many people have found 12-step programs very helpful in making long-term changes. If you are not already familiar with these self-help groups, these groups can provide valuable sources of support to change these habitual behaviors of family members, such as caretaking, controlling and isolating. Al-Anon is designed for family members and friends of alcoholics and addicts who want to learn how to change their place in the family system; Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous are open to any person who wants to stop using alcohol or other drugs, legal and illegal. You can check out http://www.racinecentraloffice.com/ to learn about meeting schedules, and the RACO office, located behind Elmwood Plaza on Durand Avenue, has a book store with an excellent selection of books and pamphlets that is open to the public. Shop around for meetings, as different meetings have different personalities.

If a person is depressed and that person drinks alcohol, I say: stop drinking alcohol. Alcohol is a depressant, flattening the body’s central nervous system. Many people have found out that a change in diet eases depression. Take a look at the book, “Food and Mood” by Elizabeth Somer, a registered dietitian who shows how what we eat can amazingly and dramatically affect our mood. See: http://www.elizabethsomer.com/foodmood.php. Many people also find that the supplement, Omega-3 fish oil, can ease depression, and you can find a product of a fairly quality decent quality at your local drug store or supermarket or health food store. The psychiatrist I work with suggests experimenting with 6,000 to 10,000 milligrams per day.

If you don’t have health insurance, you may want to take a look at where you are spending your money. It turns out that many people spend quite a bit of money on “stuff” that ultimately isn’t satisfying but rather just a distraction from making changes. If funds are a real issue, please know that there are many psychotherapists who do offer reduced fees for highly motivated people.

Mercury found in high fructose corn syrup

I’ve never been a fan of high fructose corn syrup. It promotes weight gain, contributing to obesity. It’s easily found in cheap junk foods that aren’t very healthy – with the sugary taste masking the non-flavors of food that have been so thoroughly processed that a strawberry doesn’t even taste like a strawberry any more. And many people believe that this substance create mood swings – from depression to anxiety – as it affects the brain.

Now there’s new evidence that high fructose corn syrup is contaminated with mercury. Deadly mercury. See this story from U.S. News and World Report here.

Room to breathe, in a financial squeeze

As just about everyone knows, our economy is in a big squeeze. And you may feel the squeeze, too, and it’s not at all comfortable.

Financial stress creates a great deal of anxiety. In fact, the American Psychological Association reports that financial stress accounts for the greatest number of divorces. Stress also takes a very big toll on health and our immune system. Typical symptoms include irritability, problems sleeping, changes in appetite, headaches, stomach aches, intestinal problems, nervousness, excessive worry, and feeling sad and depressed.

Although you may be tempted to unhealthy behaviors to relieve stress – overeating, shopping, drinking and smoking – all of these behaviors actually create greater levels of stress and pain in the long run.

Here are suggestions to get through stressful times:

If you’ve one not yet set up a budget, start one now. You’ll want to consider the essential spending – food, clothing, shelter – and then identify what costs you’re able to trim, even temporarily, to feel financially stable. Locally, you can receive help with budgeting, money management and credit issues 365 days a year as well as online assistance from a great organization -- Consumer Credit Counseling Services; see http://www.moneymanagement.org/ or call (866) 889-9347.

Stay away from people who talk doom and gloom. The fact is that jobs are available and there is money to buy homes. Many businesses are thriving. Many good things are happening in our planet. At the same time, do your best to connect with people who are hopeful, creative and positive and inspire you to express your best self.

Take excellent care of your health. If you aren’t healthy, you won’t be able to work or enjoy life. Take your vitamins, get some exercise, adjust your diet, get some rest – whatever nourishes your mind, body and spirit. When you’re making that budget, make sure that reasonable expenses for your health are addressed. Consider not only your physical health but also your mental health and seek psychotherapy if you continue to be overwhelmed by stress.

Consider what actions, however small, you can take to make a difference. This might involve finding a quarter-time job to supplement your income, putting together a yard sale to clean out the clutter, helping out a neighbor shovel snow, organizing a food-buying club. You’ll feel as if you have more choice in the essentials of your life, and more power.

Stop smoking and drinking. Cigarettes and alcohol are not essential to life and, in fact, not only empty your wallet and hurt your health but also cause bigger and more expensive problems down the lane. If you can’t stop smoking or drinking, then you will need to get help.

Learn to manage your stress. Talking with a trusted friend or family member, exercise, meditation, prayer, spending time with a pet, joining a support group and many other strategies really help. Remember that stress that is not addressed can lead to serious health problems.

We’ll continue to offer more tips for good health in times of stress. Watch this space.

Keep your immune system healthy this winter

The cold season is here. I like keeping my people coming in for psychotherapy – not sick and ill and miserable at home. Winter is still here in Wisconsin and it will be here for a while. Here’s what I suggest to keep you healthy this winter.

Friends, there are alternatives to strengthening your immune system. Here, traditional Chinese medicine –which is much more than acupuncture – can be very helpful with its herbal remedies

One great immune-building remedy is Yin Chiao – also sometimes spelled Yinchaio—a powerful and yet inexpensive remedy that comes from the practice of traditional Chinese medicine.

This remedy, which comes in tablet and pill form as well as tea bags, is available at most natural pharmacies and from practitioners of traditional Chinese medicine. In Racine, you can find this remedy at a number of locations; see The Guide for listings of regional practitioners and resources in southeastern Wisconsin.

Yes, by all means, do the regular “stuff” to build your immune system and keep it healthy:

Drink green tea. It helps fortify your immune system.

Reduce your intake of sugar and sugary foods, which have been proven to significantly suppress your immune system for up to six hours after consuming.

Reduce your stress in whatever way that means – saying “no” to extra commitments, for instance, and staying away form abusive and demanding people. You may also want to practice some sort of stress reduction activities, such as meditation, prayer, yoga or tai chi.

Practice positive self-care behaviors: getting enough sleep and eating whole foods. Massage, yoga and tai chi help too.

Wash your hands frequently. Use soap and hot water and take your time.

Use alcohol or bleach wipes to clean door knobs, phones and other places where germs like to live.

Consider essential oils. Dr. Andrew Weil suggests using essential oil of thyme in an infuser. Be sure to use an essential oil that is labeled “medical grade” or “pharmaceutical grade.”