Hope for stopping addictions...

Here’s a question that I frequently get:

“I (or someone I love) has an addiction. I wish that I there were something easy that I could do or say to change this fact. I get depressed about this. I don’t have health insurance either (or a health plan that isn’t very good) so help seems out of the question.

Addictions are devastating to families. Whether the addiction is booze, drugs, cigarettes – or gambling, sex or spending – all deeply affect the person who is addicted as well as the family. And the community too, but that is another blog entry at another time.

I don’t know there is an easy answer. However, after more than I can tell you that recovery and change are truly possible. Just by asking this question, you are already beginning a journey of change and growth.

There may be a tendency to give up in circumstances like these. However, these unfortunate situations also allow us to use our creativity.

I suggest you begin by reading. You can gain a lot of information by learning about alcohol and how it affects families and individuals. One of the classics is “It Can’t Happen To Me” by Claudia Black who dramatically shows how children of alcoholics repeat patterns of their family of origin, even when they don’t want to. My personal favorite – one that I use regularly with clients – is “Another Chance: Hope and Health For the Alcoholic Family” by Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse. She discusses how alcoholism is a disease that penetrates the whole person and the whole family. She describes the five roles that people act out in an alcoholic family (enabler, hero, scapegoat, lost child and mascot) and how each supports the addictive behavior of the alcoholic rather than the health and well being of the family. This book and others will give you practical ways to begin to heal and recover from this pain and trauma to the soul. Find more info at http://www.amazon.com/Another-Chance-Sharon-Wegscheider-Cruse/dp/0831400595.

Many people have found 12-step programs very helpful in making long-term changes. If you are not already familiar with these self-help groups, these groups can provide valuable sources of support to change these habitual behaviors of family members, such as caretaking, controlling and isolating. Al-Anon is designed for family members and friends of alcoholics and addicts who want to learn how to change their place in the family system; Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous are open to any person who wants to stop using alcohol or other drugs, legal and illegal. You can check out http://www.racinecentraloffice.com/ to learn about meeting schedules, and the RACO office, located behind Elmwood Plaza on Durand Avenue, has a book store with an excellent selection of books and pamphlets that is open to the public. Shop around for meetings, as different meetings have different personalities.

If a person is depressed and that person drinks alcohol, I say: stop drinking alcohol. Alcohol is a depressant, flattening the body’s central nervous system. Many people have found out that a change in diet eases depression. Take a look at the book, “Food and Mood” by Elizabeth Somer, a registered dietitian who shows how what we eat can amazingly and dramatically affect our mood. See: http://www.elizabethsomer.com/foodmood.php. Many people also find that the supplement, Omega-3 fish oil, can ease depression, and you can find a product of a fairly quality decent quality at your local drug store or supermarket or health food store. The psychiatrist I work with suggests experimenting with 6,000 to 10,000 milligrams per day.

If you don’t have health insurance, you may want to take a look at where you are spending your money. It turns out that many people spend quite a bit of money on “stuff” that ultimately isn’t satisfying but rather just a distraction from making changes. If funds are a real issue, please know that there are many psychotherapists who do offer reduced fees for highly motivated people.

Mercury found in high fructose corn syrup

I’ve never been a fan of high fructose corn syrup. It promotes weight gain, contributing to obesity. It’s easily found in cheap junk foods that aren’t very healthy – with the sugary taste masking the non-flavors of food that have been so thoroughly processed that a strawberry doesn’t even taste like a strawberry any more. And many people believe that this substance create mood swings – from depression to anxiety – as it affects the brain.

Now there’s new evidence that high fructose corn syrup is contaminated with mercury. Deadly mercury. See this story from U.S. News and World Report here.

Room to breathe, in a financial squeeze

As just about everyone knows, our economy is in a big squeeze. And you may feel the squeeze, too, and it’s not at all comfortable.

Financial stress creates a great deal of anxiety. In fact, the American Psychological Association reports that financial stress accounts for the greatest number of divorces. Stress also takes a very big toll on health and our immune system. Typical symptoms include irritability, problems sleeping, changes in appetite, headaches, stomach aches, intestinal problems, nervousness, excessive worry, and feeling sad and depressed.

Although you may be tempted to unhealthy behaviors to relieve stress – overeating, shopping, drinking and smoking – all of these behaviors actually create greater levels of stress and pain in the long run.

Here are suggestions to get through stressful times:

If you’ve one not yet set up a budget, start one now. You’ll want to consider the essential spending – food, clothing, shelter – and then identify what costs you’re able to trim, even temporarily, to feel financially stable. Locally, you can receive help with budgeting, money management and credit issues 365 days a year as well as online assistance from a great organization -- Consumer Credit Counseling Services; see http://www.moneymanagement.org/ or call (866) 889-9347.

Stay away from people who talk doom and gloom. The fact is that jobs are available and there is money to buy homes. Many businesses are thriving. Many good things are happening in our planet. At the same time, do your best to connect with people who are hopeful, creative and positive and inspire you to express your best self.

Take excellent care of your health. If you aren’t healthy, you won’t be able to work or enjoy life. Take your vitamins, get some exercise, adjust your diet, get some rest – whatever nourishes your mind, body and spirit. When you’re making that budget, make sure that reasonable expenses for your health are addressed. Consider not only your physical health but also your mental health and seek psychotherapy if you continue to be overwhelmed by stress.

Consider what actions, however small, you can take to make a difference. This might involve finding a quarter-time job to supplement your income, putting together a yard sale to clean out the clutter, helping out a neighbor shovel snow, organizing a food-buying club. You’ll feel as if you have more choice in the essentials of your life, and more power.

Stop smoking and drinking. Cigarettes and alcohol are not essential to life and, in fact, not only empty your wallet and hurt your health but also cause bigger and more expensive problems down the lane. If you can’t stop smoking or drinking, then you will need to get help.

Learn to manage your stress. Talking with a trusted friend or family member, exercise, meditation, prayer, spending time with a pet, joining a support group and many other strategies really help. Remember that stress that is not addressed can lead to serious health problems.

We’ll continue to offer more tips for good health in times of stress. Watch this space.

Keep your immune system healthy this winter

The cold season is here. I like keeping my people coming in for psychotherapy – not sick and ill and miserable at home. Winter is still here in Wisconsin and it will be here for a while. Here’s what I suggest to keep you healthy this winter.

Friends, there are alternatives to strengthening your immune system. Here, traditional Chinese medicine –which is much more than acupuncture – can be very helpful with its herbal remedies

One great immune-building remedy is Yin Chiao – also sometimes spelled Yinchaio—a powerful and yet inexpensive remedy that comes from the practice of traditional Chinese medicine.

This remedy, which comes in tablet and pill form as well as tea bags, is available at most natural pharmacies and from practitioners of traditional Chinese medicine. In Racine, you can find this remedy at a number of locations; see The Guide for listings of regional practitioners and resources in southeastern Wisconsin.

Yes, by all means, do the regular “stuff” to build your immune system and keep it healthy:

Drink green tea. It helps fortify your immune system.

Reduce your intake of sugar and sugary foods, which have been proven to significantly suppress your immune system for up to six hours after consuming.

Reduce your stress in whatever way that means – saying “no” to extra commitments, for instance, and staying away form abusive and demanding people. You may also want to practice some sort of stress reduction activities, such as meditation, prayer, yoga or tai chi.

Practice positive self-care behaviors: getting enough sleep and eating whole foods. Massage, yoga and tai chi help too.

Wash your hands frequently. Use soap and hot water and take your time.

Use alcohol or bleach wipes to clean door knobs, phones and other places where germs like to live.

Consider essential oils. Dr. Andrew Weil suggests using essential oil of thyme in an infuser. Be sure to use an essential oil that is labeled “medical grade” or “pharmaceutical grade.”

When shock reverberates in our hearts and minds...

Shock.

That's one emotion reverberating in the hearts and minds of most people -- city officials, colleagues, journalists and the general voting public -- who are hearing the news of the sex sting arrest of the mayor of Racine, Wisconsin.

Feelings of shock, as well as disappointment, sadness, anger, confusion, betrayal, mistrust and anxiety are common and normal feelings in such situations.

The feelings can be very intense when a person holds a specific attitude or belief about another person that turns out to be quite different.

Our view of the world has been shaken. Shaken badly. It can be difficult to reconcile the reality of what is happening with the image that we've held – maybe for a long time.

The shock also can contribute to a kind of a paralysis as people attempt to understand and integrate this new information intellectually. Therefore, it will be important for city employees and others to be mindful of certain steps that they can take to balance their lives and keep the city business running smoothly, as well as their own lives.

It is not professionally or ethically appropriate to comment on the circumstances relating to a particular person. However, many people struggle with legitimate questions that are very common when issues of this sort emerge.

Why might a person practice behaviors that jeopardize his or her job, position in the community, family relationships – or even their lives?

Such situations are much, much more common than we think. People can be very adept at keeping certain parts of their personalities hidden from many other people, even close friends and family.

Why would people take such risks when the consequences are so great?

Many people find themselves drawn to food, alcohol, nicotine and drugs, which alter their moods. Many other people find themselves drawn to the mood-altering components of activities -- especially that of risk taking. Evel Knievel jumped over cars other large items and found fame and fortune and, in some ways, respect. Some people climb mountains or join the Navy SEALS. Others, depending on their personality make up, are drawn to behaviors that may have very high excitement as well as very high risk. The risk of the forbidden often contributes to the sense of the high excitement as well.

Why am I so shocked?

When surprising information comes out, people are disoriented and question themselves because they thought they knew that person well or were a good judge of character.

I am not sure what I will say if I see this person again or if I will want to have contact with this person again.

It is also typical for people to grapple with how they will interact with a person who they now see very differently -- what they will say or how, or if, they will respond socially or in other ways. Stay with the process of noticing your feelings and processing your feelings – not gossiping! – with others and you will find your way.

I’m having a hard time getting my brain around this. I feel distracted and can’t concentrate very well.

The key is being able to identify and process the varied feelings in a healthy way (see blog posting, below) to regain your footing to make thoughtful and healthy decisions.

I feel embarrassed. Is that OK?

Often we are embarrassed to learn we have stereotypes about people who practice such behaviors– that they skulk behind bushes and have some obvious signs tacked on the back of their jackets. The truth is that perpetrators are male and female, and young, middle aged and older. They come from all walks of life and are often quite charming, attractive and socially skilled and are successfully capable of deflecting, minimizing, justifying or denying their behavior. They are business people, teachers, clergy persons, coaches, community leaders, politicians, doctors and people who purport to be healing professionals. There is a powerful story in the current Rolling Stone magazine about a female teacher – one of most popular teachers in her New Jersey school – who for months groomed and then seduced a 15-year-old boy while joking with her fellow faculty members who thought nothing odd of her behavior. See http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/25329318/sex_lies_and_phys_ed?source=music_news_rssfeed.

What should I say to my children?

We always must follow the legal precept of law, in that people are presumed innocent until an admission and confession is provided or until proven guilty in court. It’s also appropriate to say that some people practice behaviors that are not good for themselves or for other people or their communities. It’s also important to state that people are accountable for their actions. Use language that your children can understand according to their age. Don't feel you have to tell all the details as much as allow them to share their feelings and thoughts. If they talk about inappropriate touching or other odd behaviors they have experienced and do not feel good about, take this information seriously without becoming dramatic about it.

I’m feeling surprisingly affected by this even though I don’t know the person. Is that normal?

We can strongly react to certain news events, especially if those events remind us of our own life circumstances. For instance, many of my clients were grief stricken more than 10 years ago when Princess Diana died after a car crash. The incident reminded them of tragic deaths and sudden losses in their own lives, and they grieved anew. More recently, clients have reacted to the deaths of actor Heath Ledger, animal adventurer Steve Irwin and astronaut Laurel Clark. Similar reactions surface after reports of local gang shootings, murders, drownings or car accidents.

Individuals who may be especially affected by this news may be people who have experienced certain kinds of abuse, parents of children who have been abused and care-giving professionals who deal with these situations in their professional roles.

Is there any good that can come out of such a situation?

Such news stimulates people to learn more about certain social issues that they may not have thought very much about. That desire to educate themselves may be one of the few positives in what is otherwise always a difficult and painful situation. Others have the opportunity to look inside themselves to understand their behavior patterns or regrets more deeply as they observe how they react to the news. Some may be moved to reach out to get help for themselves to address the pain and improve their own lives. In Racine, many professionals and organizations provide psychotherapy and speakers and programs on various related topics, and there are books and resources in the library, book stores and online.

Things to do when shock happens

You can find your balance after shock hits. Here are suggestions:

Breathe.

Know that you may have many feelings – denial, disbelief, anger, hurt, pain, fear, anxiety, guilt or and confusion. Or you may experience several feelings that seem contradictory or even irrational. These feelings are normal responses.

Identify the feelings. Naming your feelings will begin to give you power over them, rather than feeling overwhelmed by them.

Share your feelings with a trusted person or several trusted people. These people should be able to listen to your feelings without judgment or argument but accept your experience as it is.

Identify your strengths. Yes, we have experienced trauma, but we are more than trauma. Personal traits such as courage, creativity, persistence, the ability to be organized, the ability to think things through, compassion, the experience of surviving and learning from past painful events are all strengths, and there are many more. We also have strength relationships with others – people who care about us and love us, as well as other more abstract relationships that sustain us, such as love of music, perhaps, or empathy with nature – that are important to recognize.

Connect with others. It’s good to remind each other of our strengths and gifts when we are feeling overwhelmed. It’s also good to be connected so each of us know we’re not alone in a difficult situation.

Cry. Let the tears out – it is a great cleanser and gives relief to feelings that have been building.

Stamp your feet for 15 to 30 seconds, or more. This is an easy and safe way to release feelings, especially anger, and disperse negative energy.

Physical activity helps. Simple yoga stretches will release physical tension. Tai chi and chi gong is very good, as are walking and other kinds of exercising.

Focus on activities that are soothing – enjoying a cup of chamomile tea, giving yourself a foot massage, doing light or inspirational reading, spending time with your pets.

Journal. Keeping a diary or just writing notes to yourself is a good way to organize your thoughts and feelings when you are confused or do not have the opportunity to talk with people directly. You can also write about your strengths, questions that you have and other thoughts and needs.

Continue with your routine that gives your life balance and structure. Eat your meals, take your vitamins, attend to regular household chores, your health appointments and the like.

Avoid the natural tendency to want to condemn other peoples’ actions, place judgment or debate who is “right” and who is “wrong.” Rather, focus on how the experience is affecting you and notice the choices you have in your immediate surroundings.

Notice if you turn compulsively to food, alcohol, drugs, gambling, shopping, sex or other activities to minimize your distress. These are not helpful in such situations, including long term, and can create depression, financial stress, more shame, weight gain or addiction.

Ask for help if you need it. It is a sign of strength, not weakness, and will prevent bigger problems in the future. If you are concerned about someone else’s well being, let that person know in a gentle but direct way, and tell others, too, if you believe the situation is dire.

Remember to keep breathing.

"American Therapy" gives press to psychodrama

A new book about psychotherapy gives good press to psychodrama, the action method developed by Jacob L. and Zerka Moreno.

This is a good thing, since the method, originally developed in the 1920s, has often been relegated to the back of the shelf. Way back. Even experienced mental health professionals and others don't know that Dr. Moreno, a European-born physician, coined the phrase "group psychotherapy" and was a true pioneer in the fields of mental health, marriage counseling, alternative non-drug therapy and other topics that we take for granted today.

The book is “American Therapy: The Rise of Psychotherapy in the United States” by Jonathan Engel and contains well-written passage about sociometry, the science of relationships, which was also developed by Moreno. There’s particular mention of his work at a New York facility for female juvenile delinquents – as they were called in the early days – and how he rearranged their assigned rooms to create more cooperation and less turmoil after evaluating their relationships.

Most of the focus of the book leans to Sigmund Freud, who we consider the originator of modern mental health treatment, and how his ideas spread to the United States, before heading off in new and more practical directions to treat emotional pain. Moreno was one of Freud’s first challengers, at around 1912 when he was a young medical student in Vienna. Although Moreno died in 1974, the worlds of psychodrama and sociometry are very much alive not only in the mental health but many other fields, thanks to the efforts of his widow, Zerka, who is in her nineties and still working, and many others.

True, author Engel makes some misstatements in other parts of the book, including the incorrect surname of a Vanderbilt University researcher who in 1979 conducted a study that raised questions about the role of specialized training in effective psychotherapy. He was Hans Strupp, not Krupp, and the incorrect reference to three eminent U.S. doctors who were early promoters of Freudian theory. Adolf Meyer and Harry Stack Sullivan were psychiatrists, and James Jackson Putnam was a neurologist; they were not “psychologists.”

Recommended.