Systemic Constellation Work is the new frontier in healing

What if some of your feelings did not really belong to you – but came from one of your ancestors and you simply “inherited” them?

Systemic Constellation Work – sometimes called Family Constellation Work – is a remarkable healing process that has emerged from Germany in the past 30 years. It posits that our ancestors' suffering has leaked into our own lives, causing our own suffering, and that modern medicine and psychotherapy cannot fully relieve this pain due to its relentless focus on the individual rather than the larger family system.

Developed by Bert Hellinger, a former priest, missionary and psychotherapist, this process looks like blend of ancestor reverence, psychodrama and family systems therapy. Yet it is also nothing like anything you’ve seen before. Hellinger developed this process to address the suffering of the descendants of the German Nazis and the survivors of Europe’s Holocaust victims, but everyone soon figured that the healing that emerged was helpful to release deep patterns embedded in the family system, no matter that the issue of distress was physical illness or emotional distress. Rather than explore stories, emotions or cognitive content, it identifies the energetic blockages within the “soul” of the family. The facilitator helps restore the natural orders that must be present in the larger family system before all can experience love and feel peace.

Constellation work is gradually finding its way to the Midwest, thanks to my psychodrama colleague Ron Anderson who discovered the method in the early 2000s. I’ve now been studying this approach with Heinz Stark, a German psychotherapist who was one of Hellinger’s original followers for two years, and I am now integrating much of this work in my individual sessions with people; Friday’s introductory group session will be the first of several groups that we are planning at Lake House Health & Learning Center. See calendar for more information and how to register.

Dodie Corcoran is a massage therapist and bodyworker who has adapted Constellation Work for bodywork and periodically offers Constellation groups in Woodstock, Ill. I like how she describes this unique work:

This trans-generational healing process will bring to light that certain tragedies and pains your ancestors suffered years ago may adversely affect you or your loved ones today. Like open wounds held in your family's collective soul, resolution and reconciliation are still being sought out in the present, even though the events may have long passed, and the people involved may long be deceased.

The soul’s need for healing and closure remains like an irrevocable binding force, whereby innocent and unknowing family members from future generations get entangled in the fates of those who lived before. Such entanglements can truly be disastrous because family members are then not free to live their own lives, unconsciously perpetuating difficulties, tragedies, injustices and crimes - often for many, many generations.

This work may also reveal that your life’s present or recurring challenges may be directly connected to painful events or personally committed guilt from your own life still in need of closure, healing or reconciliation. Your soul can be held captive for years in this way, making it impossible for you to move forward in your life in a good direction. And if you are a parent, it may possibly entangle your child.

The beauty of this work lies in the fact that once entanglements are brought to light, unresolved issues can be brought to a peaceful close. Once that happens, we are set free from the forces that held us captive, even though we may have never known until then that we had been bound at all. Supportive healing energy, life force and love suddenly can touch us, thereby opening the doors for us to stand fully in our own life with peace, clarity and strength.

Learn more about Dodie and her services here. Hellinger’s voluminous writings can be found at his site here. Here is one of his basic thoughts:

"There is nothing a child won't do to help the family, even to the detriment of self."

Read more about where I go to study here and see the wide number of books and videos that are now available on this subject. For readers, the book, “Love’s Hidden Symmetry: What Makes Love Work In Relationships” by Bert Hellinger, Gunthard Weber and Hunter Beaumont is a good place to begin. Another is The Healing Power of the Past: A New Approach to Healing Family Wounds by Berthold Ulsamer.

By the way, The idea that we inherit feelings and experiences from our ancestors is now being proven by science. Here's an amazing video from BCC, "The Truth In Our Genes," here. You can find several examples of actual Constellation sessions on YouTube – just go to to the site and search for “Systemic Family Constellation Work.” Most of them are in another language but you can get the idea of how it looks.

Veterans, trauma and steps toward healing

Years ago, a veteran told me, "I was never really prepared for the reality of war."

As a psychotherapist, I often think about his powerful observation when I work with people who have suffered various kinds of trauma. His comment continues to prove true as I hear stories from people who have been affected deeply by various kinds of trauma, whether war, abuse, crime or Sept. 11.

There are several realities to the experience of trauma, which we can describe generally as a situation that is a shock to the system of the human being. The experience calls upon all of our resources -- physical, mental and emotional -- to survive.

There are a number of online resources about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, a normal response to war which affects many veterans after their service; one of the most comprehensive is The National Center for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, offering information for veterans and families as well as health care providers.

After the survival of war, the self continues to feel the reverberations of the event. These after-effects may show up in many ways:

Hypervigilance. Keeping highly watchful is an important survival skill in wartime. In ordinary life, however, this watchfulness creates huge problems; the veteran is unable to relax and perhaps may find himself or herself suspicious of others, having difficulty in crowds and certain situations, even in close relationships.

Unexpected trauma bubbles. Ordinary events, such as seeing an insect crawling up the wall or hearing helicopter noise on a sunny day, can be extremely unsettling. They stir up feelings both consciously and unconsciously that make us erupt in anger and irritability or sink into depression, which cause personal difficulty and problems in relationships with significant others, family members and friends. Although the veteran may sometimes feel "crazy," these are normal responses to the experience of trauma.

Drug and alcohol abuse and addiction. Mood-altering substances may seem to help veterans relax the super-vigilance, stop nightmares of painful image-memories, and numb emotions that may be too difficult to bear or even identify. Use of drugs and alcohol, however, can cause serious physical health problems, and contribute to further depression since alcohol actually depresses the central nervous system and other chemicals play havoc with brain chemistry generally. Addiction, too, can create even bigger problems for the veteran.

Many veterans shy away from talking about their experiences or reaching for help because they do not believe help or healing is possible. However, the good news is that healing IS possible, as we are able to understand more clearly than ever before the components of trauma and the needs for true recovery. The first step is to admit that the war experience has affected you, perhaps even in ways that you cannot name. The next step is to reach out for resources that reduce isolation, which in itself causes depression and emotional distress.

The newest scientific research is helping us understand more clearly how traumatic experiences are stored in the body and mind. Therefore, while traditional counseling is important, other means of help are equally valuable.

Experiential modes of psychotherapy -- such as EMDR, creative arts therapies and psychodrama -- are extremely helpful in accessing the parts of the brain where trauma memories reside. So are various kinds of bodywork treatments and other modalities, such as acupuncture and acupressure which can reduce stress as well as physical pain. Some veterans have found that regimens of breathing, yoga and energy work, including Reiki, are relaxing and stabilizing -- sometimes reducing physical pain or distress as well as contributing to mental calming.

Psychologist Ed Tick has documented significant healing of veterans in his book, "War and the Soul," that includes genuine connections with older veterans and others in the community, Native American ceremony and sweat lodges, storytelling and other non-medical means. Sometimes the best healer is the hope that is generated within a human being by knowing someone who has survived trauma and has found healing and peace.

Simple coaching tips for resumes

As most everyone knows, job hunting in these economic times is a highly competitive sport.

Just the other day, I had the opportunity to review a resume of a retired businessman who was making plans to return to work. Such reviews are often part of my coaching sessions, as I work with career changers, newly graduating seniors and people who for many reasons, inlcuding layoffs, are seeking employment. In this world of layoffs and scare news, take heart. A good resume and a good attitude can make the difference.

The best time to look for a job? When you've got one. You can take your time to write, edit and polish, as well as network, gather references and job prospects.

First, the simple stuff:

Use your spell checker. Then proofread for spelling, grammar and punctuation. Then proofread again. If you aren’t great at these tasks, get a grammar book or ask a friend who has excellent English skills to proofread for you.

You can find resume templates online to make your resume look really crisp. My favorite choices come from Microsoft, which has a library of good-looking templates that fit a variety of needs. Click here for more info.

Then:

Use action words to note what you have DONE and how you have been valuable to each organization where you have worked. Words like “pioneered,” “introduced,” “integrated,” and the like make you a valuable employee and therefore valuable to the organization and its success. If you have saved the organization money, developed new procedures that have helped with efficiency, better service or some other advantage, be sure to mention them.

Spend some time to take inventory of your special contributions to each work setting. Don’t think you have to go on and on with lots of verbage – give the message clearly and directly. Don’t feel afraid to brag. You’ll want make yourself look very good.

If you have done volunteer work, include it on your resume. Ask the person who has been or is your volunteer “boss” to provide you with a letter of praise, a reference or both.

Don’t think you have to say everything in your resume. Remember that you will also have an accompanying cover letter, at which place you can go into detail about special skills or attributes for a specific job. Each cover letter should be crafted to address a specific job that is available.

There are a zillion books that can help you craft a really good resume. You can find them in your local book store, online or at your public library. One is The Resume Handbook: How to Write Outstanding Resumes and Cover Letters for Every Situation by Arthur D. Rosenberg.

Time to Eat Right Racine!

Make Racine more healthy!

Yes, this is a worthy goal, and has been one of my missions for some time now. And just yesterday I got a sneak peak at a wonderful new movement called Eat Right Racine that you’ll be hearing more about.

Eat Right Racine is a small group of people, including my energetic friend Heidi Fannin, a massage therapist and nutritional consultant, who are getting ready to educate people, parents, schools and community leaders. They want to see our city become healthier, happier, and more educated about the food that we eat.

I like this. Count me in, Heidi. For years, I’ve been preaching about the importance of healthy food, not only for our bodies but also for our minds and spirits. There’s mounting evidence that people who eat poorly – junk food, sugar, soda and the like – not only gain weight and develop physical health problems but also suffer mood swings, depression and anxiety. There's more. Cravings -- often caused by processed foods that contain appetite stimulants -- can cause shame and pain due to compulsive overeating and even start and exacerate addictions to alcohol and other drugs.

That’s where Eat Right Racine comes in. Its goals:

• Improve the quality of food that is fed to the students that attend schools within the Racine Unified School District.


• Help educate parents on nutritional issues so that they can feed their families healthy and delicious food that improves health, wellness, and self-esteem.


• Teach the residents of Racine how to find and prepare locally grown food.


• Encourage others to become informed about food so that they can teach these healthy habits that can change lives.

I love this and I'm going to do all I can to promote this project.

The new site Eat Right Racine includes ideas for children’s lunches, easy-to-prepare recipes for healthy meals plus interesting links about food, including Alice Waters' and Katrina Heron’s article for The New York Times on redesigning the traditional school lunch program.

Anxiety disorder may be linked to strep throat

Doctors and psychotherapists are now learning there are two kinds of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

The regular OCD – which is a neurobiological condition which is characterized by obsessive behaviors -- involves repetitive unwanted thoughts, ideas or images typically about harm that intrude in the mind and won't let up and compulsions-repetitive behaviors (washing hands, counting, tapping, checking) in an attempt to ward off perceived risk and harm. Unlike everyday worries, obsessions are experienced as disturbing, bizarre, senseless and counter to the child's sense of self.

Now there is also PANDAS – known as Pediatric Autoimmune Neuropsychiatric Disorders Associated with Strep – which is a subtype of OCD. For approximately 25 percent of children who have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, the sudden onset of the OCD is exacerbated or triggered by strep throat, in which the body's own immune cells attack a part of the brain, the basal ganglia, rather than the strep. This disorder does not occur in all children, but only those who have a genetic predisposition to OCD or tics. The difficulty in diagnosing may occur because the OCD can develop shortly after the strep infection but many times months after, and the strep infection could have been so minor that it was not treated. It is most common in children who have not yet reached puberty, though it is not limited to this age group.

The biggest difference between regular OCD and PANDAS-OCD is the sudden onset. OCD usually develops slowly over weeks, months or even years; however, PANDAS OCD seems to come out of the blue with parents saying one day their child woke up a different kid. There are also other symptoms that help differentiate the 2 types of OCD. PANDAS OCD is also characterized by:

• Choreiform movements: involuntary or irregular writhing movements of the legs, arm or face


• Presence of tics and/or hyperactivity


• Irritability, temper tantrums, or mood lability


• Nighttime difficulties


• Severe nightmares and new bedtime rituals or fears


• Separation anxiety


• Age regression: going back to younger developmental stage


• New handwriting problems, loss of math skills, sensory sensitivities

One of the most thorough books on OCD for parents is Freeing Your Child from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder by Tamar Chansky. If a parent is looking for a book to read to the child, try Mr. Worry: A Story About OCD by Holly Niner. For more, see Worry Wise Kids or this special link on PANDAS.

It's true - depression can break your heart

It’s true. Depression can break your heart.

Depression almost doubles the risk of developing heart disease over 12 years, according to a long-term study of twins. The findings are to be reported today at the American Psychosomatic Society meeting in Chicago. Mounting evidence has found that depression makes people more vulnerable to heart trouble. Recent studies, though, find that some genes that increase the risk of heart disease also may make people more prone to depression, which has raised the question of whether the depression-heart disease link is genetic. Read more at USA Today link.

The biology of addiction

Evidence is piling up that there is a genetic component to alcoholism and addiction. Michael Ferguson, a professional associated with the California treatment center Sober Living By The Sea, puts it this way:

"Genetics load the gun, and environment pulls the trigger.”

Research is showing that people with a certain gene have a tendency towards being unable to quit once they have started drinking or using drugs. However, if an individual has a great support system of family and friends, a good education and the understanding of a family history where addiction has been threading its way through the genrations, then addiction is certainly preventable.

For more on addiction and genes, here is a video worth watching.

What is a good psychotherapist?

You should have the sense that the pyschotherapist “gets” who you are and what difficulties you are experiencing.

The good therapist should be able to offer you hope that your difficulty is able to be addressed and solved — perhaps not immediately but with time and attention.

A good therapist should be attentive and able to listen well, provide support and validation while also able to be honest with you about your challenges and blind spots.

He or she should be informed about community resources and able to offer you additional information (books, videos, Web sites, support groups and other sources within the community) that may be helpful.

If your problem is outside of the experience and the scope of the therapist’s practice, he or she should be able to refer you to a competant professional who should be able to help you.

A few words about sex addiction and "cures"

Yesterday’s request of Racine’s former mayor to attend treatment center for compulsive sexual behavior and trauma are bringing his legal charges – and discussions about sex addiction – back into the public eye.

Many people are asking if individuals who are attracted to unhealthy and destructive forms of sexual activity can be "cured.”

This is a complicated question. An answer about a “cure” – or lack of same – would be very easy to answer if all offenders fit an identical profile.

However, there are many profiles of a person who acts compulsively with regard to sexual activity – just as there are many profiles with individuals who are caught up with compulsive use of alcohol, drugs, spending, gambling and other high-risk behaviors. Here, it is important to have a thorough assessment by professionals who are able to determine long-term behavior patterns and the true level of the illness. Sometimes the illness is contributes to activities that break the law -- for instance, an alcoholic who has a car accident when driving while intoxicated is acountable for that accident and injuries or deaths that result. In most areas, it is not against the law to gamble, but legal authorities will be calling if you embezzle money from your employer. With respect to sex addiction, individuals may find themselves in legal trouble if their actions violate a law; a pedophile is defined ins psychological terms one who is attracted to children, 13 years of age and younger, and there are other laws as well. Addictions of all kinds affect the brain, and the person’s brain can be retrained to respond to triggers differently and to learn and practice healthy behaviors. Addictions cannot be "cured." But they can be treated, and a recovering person can learn how to abstain from destructive behavior and respond with healthy choices with awareness, motivation and support. Many good programs are available for in-depth treatment which often includes treatment for depression and anxiety; The Keystone treatment center employs a variety of standard and innovative treatment modalities, including psychodrama, a powerful action method that is often used in psychotherapeutic settings.

Keystone's Web site provides a good overall view of how sexual acting-out behaviors can damage people, marriages, jobs and families – just as alcohol and drugs do. There is an excellent article by Susan J. Campling, Psy.D., the center’s director, that should answer many common questions. She says:

“Today we understand the powerlessness the addicted person feels and have begun to recognize that the pleasure of addiction, the “high” can result from substances outside and inside of the person. Behaviors can trigger the release of internally produced chemicals that create the pleasure high and at least temporarily, alter mood. Sex, gambling, exercise and shopping are only a few of the behaviors that can alter a person’s mood. When the addicted person continues to engage in these behaviors despite negative consequences, we see the footprints of addiction.

I must challenge views that inpatient treatment is “ineffective.”

When I worked as a psychotherapist at Caron Treatment Centers, an inpatient treatment center for chemically addicted persons and their families in Wernersville, Pa., we often referred to other centers for specialized treatment, such as eating disorders, sex addiction and the like. Keystone, located in a nearby county, was one of several referral options.

Inpatient treatment at a quality treatment center gives the individual the opportunity to fully focus on addressing the illness without distractions that daily life presents. It is a real chance to make significant changes, if the person is motivated to learn and grow. Part of the learning is to identify healthy risks that lead to help and healing rather than unhealthy risks that lead to secrecy and shame.

It’s also important that a person, once discharged, is willing to follow recommendations of continuing care. Such recommendations might involve ongoing outpatient therapy, participation at self-help meetings, abstinence from mood-altering chemicals and other lifestyle alterations.

Another important resource is Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, a 12-step group that offers a simple and yet very effective program for individuals who are motivated to recover. Its name refers to both to individuals who are addicted to some sort of sexual activity, as well as those who have a chronic and compulsive preoccupation with romance, intrigue or fantasy. Others have found help at a similar group, Sex Addicts Anonymous.

SLAA and SAA are structured self-help programs based on the original steps of Alcoholics Anonymous – which has literally helped millions of people to recover from compulsive use of alcohol and birthed many other helpful groups, including Narcotics Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous and Nicotine Anonymous and programs for family members of those addicted.

As Susan Campling says:

“Today, it is no longer socially acceptable to laugh at the pain of alcoholism. Today we continue to glorify the sexual conquests of TV stars and pass judgment upon the "moral failings” of persons unable to stop their sexual acting out. We freely use words like “pervert,” “nympho” and lecher. Perhaps it is our fear that diseases can happen to anyone and that we are all vulnerable that is intolerable. Instead of drunks or perverts, persons suffering from addiction, might be something else. They might be people worthy of our understanding and compassion. They might be us.”

See her complete essay, “As We Raise Our Head from Shame to Grace,” here.

For more information, see SLAA’s site here and SLA's site here with additional helpful links here. Professionals can learn more about psychodrama and sex addiction at my blog for professionals here.

Massage therapy school has its own blog

The professional massage therapy school at the Wisconsin Institute of Natural Wellness now has its own blog! It's still brand new, but you can find some basics of the school -- now taking applications for the September 2009 school year -- as well as massage therapy links, massage news and links of alumni, including Lake House's own Helene Hellesen and Judy Warner. Check it out here.

Why yoga and psychotherapy make a great fit

As a psychotherapist, coach and educator -- and sometime yoga practitioner -- I have repeatedly observed that yoga is an excellent adjunct to psychotherapy. Actually, it's an excellent adjunct for any kind of path of growth, personal or professional, because it helps stabilize us and helps us take in learning, accelerate change and advance spiritually.

Contemporary psychotherapy has become more interested in neurobiology -- the interaction of the many hormones and other chemicals within sections of our brains -- which affect our emotions and behaviors. We know that the chemicals can be shifted and changed in a variety of ways: by medication, by certain experiential therapies, and by yoga.

I have found that many people benefit from yoga, often in surprising ways: a teen-ager who denies the effects of marijuana on her body learns that she cannot breathe very well during a posture; an overwhelmed care-taking mother learns to slow down and take time for herself; a business man who is experiencing high blood pressure begins to relax and feel more in control of his body. A study published in a recent issue of Psychology of Women Quarterly reported that mind-body exercise, such as yoga, is associated with greater body satisfaction and fewer symptoms of eating disorders than traditional aerobic exercise like jogging or using cardio machines. Yoga practitioners reported less self-objectification, greater satisfaction with physical appearance, and fewer disordered eating attitudes compared to non-yoga practitioners.

Here are ways that yoga is helpful:

Sometimes we think too much and we need to clean our brains. Our thoughts fill our heads and seem to control our entire reality with "When…" and "What if…" Yoga, as a method of uniting mind, body and spirit, seems to bring the thoughts in the body. When you are focusing a posture with a good stretch, mindful of hand and feet placement and taking a breath, there is little time to ruminate and worry.

Yoga postures also aid in releasing emotions in a healthy way. If it is stress, your boyfriend or your job making your emotions go wild, the postures help contain the emotions and release them in a safe and appropriate way. No one is embarrassed or confronted with angry outbursts, and

Yoga reduces stress and helps us slow down in this fast, fast world. When we are calm, we are able to make decisions, large and small, more clearly. Sleeping better, and therefore feeling more rested, also contributes to optimism and energy rather than exhaustion and irritability.

Yoga helps reduce pain and physical discomfort. It is hard to be cheerful and optimistic when you are in physical pain. For many people, the pain and the limitations that it causes in each person's personal life creates depression.

Yoga is self caring. Many people who have few self-care habits can begin to appreciate their bodies and what their bodies can accomplish. Motivation and dedication, rather than expensive equipment, increases a person's ability to care for self, and some of the benefits can be experienced almost immediately.

Yoga offers a comforting philosophy that complements psychological principles. It gives attention to the body while also identifying the importance of the mind, the spirit and numerous lifestyle choices.

If you practice in a group, you have a ready-made support group. Your teacher and fellow students will be glad to see you -- or they should be glad to see you in a good and well-run yoga class! -- and you will widen your support network. Community helps us feel more connected and less isolated; research studies have shown that people who enjoy a wide social network appear to be more healthy and live longer.

Having written this, I also will say that there are times when yoga is not suitable for someone in the therapeutic process, either at a specific moment in time or in general. I can remember one woman that I worked with who experienced difficulty and stress. The woman -- who was a survivor of sexual abuse perpetrated by her sadistic mother -- had been referred by her psychotherapist to one of the best yoga instructors in the community. The idea was that the yoga would help her feel more connected to her body.

The woman felt uneasy with the class, which took place in a partially lighted room, and she experienced strong triggers when the instructor moved from student to student to correct postures. Despite the gentleness the instructor, the class was simply too threatening. The woman later found relief and growth with a male bodyworker who worked with her in one-to-one sessions with other modalities where she felt more safe and comfortable.

Nevertheless, yoga is a very good thing for most people. A good instructor should hear your concerns and adapt instruction to fit your needs. I am always looking to refer people to yoga.

Top 6 health trends for 2009

We're just into the beginnings of 2009, the time when experts are looking forward with predictions for headlines for the year.

One of the areas that is often neglected -- despite its growing interest by public and professionals alike -- is that of alternative and complementary heath. These trends surely will affect businesses, both large and small, as well as the way that health care is sought and delivered in our communities. Here is my list of top health trends:

Interest in alternative treatments will experience a second surge. As more mainstream medications, from Aleve to Prozac to Vioxx, are showing seriously dangerous side effects, we'll be looking for new solutions to minimize health conditions. Even though interest in alternative treatments is already high, more people, practitioners and patients will be willing to experiment with new remedies, activities and lifestyle changes to avoid these kinds of medications. Yoga, tai chi, qigong, Feldenkrais, imagery, acupuncture and other exercises and modalities will continue to gain attention due to their ability to calm, soothe and attend to medical situations such as chronic pain, hypertension, obesity and stress.

Along with the growth of interest in alternative medicine, there will be a growth in the interest of alternative psychotherapy and personal and business coaching. "Alternatives" don't just come down to herbs, massage and yoga, as valuable as they are. People can experience significant growth and change -- often in short amounts of time -- with activities that use drama, guided imagery, music therapy, art therapy, sand tray therapy and other modalities that speak to people's whole selves, not just symptoms.

In our buy-buy culture and go-go lives, we'll step up the need for personal satisfaction rather than external achievement. This may well mean a "diet" on activities, trimming our schedule of overextended lifestyles and creating routines and opportunities for our overstressed bodies and minds. Products and services, including personal coaching, will assist in helping us focus on what is really satisfying and comforting.

As insurance costs bump up, a greater push to keep students and employees healthy. This will mean a closer examination of cafeteria food in schools and vending machines in work places, including information on how eating patterns create stress, obesity and health and behavior problems. Food processing companies and vendors are upgrading their searches to develop and market products that are not only healthy but actually promote health.

Special interest treatments will be developed for special interest groups. Studies are showing that various groups, whether ethnic or otherwise, are at higher risk for certain health concerns. Just one for-instance: a research study is showing showing high rates of smoking in the LGBT (Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender) community. In some parts of the country, LGBT smoking rates can be as much as 50 percent higher than their heterosexual counterparts, making nicotine an emerging public health priority for LGBT individuals.

Nicotine treatment programs will gradually become more varied and incorporate alternative methods of treatment, care and support. These alternative methods may include acupuncture, non-traditional psychotherapy, online support groups, herbal therapy, dietary changes or a combination of unique interventions designed to fit the individual's needs. More insurance companies are offering help with nicotine cessation, too, as it becomes apparent that nicotine use hurts health and contributes to many illnesses and conditions. The fact is that smoking kills more people each year than HIV/AIDS, car accidents and drug and alcohol use combined.

What to do when your kid provokes you

Here’s an easy-to-read article from one of my favorite sites, www.slate.com, about parenting:

The article, by Alan Kazdin, Ph.D and Carlo Rotella, offers thoughts to guide parents to a more helpful and calming response to children who are defiant or acting out.

The article describes various ways of responding to the defiant act and predicts both the immediate and long-term results of such responses. “The Parking Ticket” turns out the best solution. Read more here, plus the sidebar here.

Hope for stopping addictions...

Here’s a question that I frequently get:

“I (or someone I love) has an addiction. I wish that I there were something easy that I could do or say to change this fact. I get depressed about this. I don’t have health insurance either (or a health plan that isn’t very good) so help seems out of the question.

Addictions are devastating to families. Whether the addiction is booze, drugs, cigarettes – or gambling, sex or spending – all deeply affect the person who is addicted as well as the family. And the community too, but that is another blog entry at another time.

I don’t know there is an easy answer. However, after more than I can tell you that recovery and change are truly possible. Just by asking this question, you are already beginning a journey of change and growth.

There may be a tendency to give up in circumstances like these. However, these unfortunate situations also allow us to use our creativity.

I suggest you begin by reading. You can gain a lot of information by learning about alcohol and how it affects families and individuals. One of the classics is “It Can’t Happen To Me” by Claudia Black who dramatically shows how children of alcoholics repeat patterns of their family of origin, even when they don’t want to. My personal favorite – one that I use regularly with clients – is “Another Chance: Hope and Health For the Alcoholic Family” by Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse. She discusses how alcoholism is a disease that penetrates the whole person and the whole family. She describes the five roles that people act out in an alcoholic family (enabler, hero, scapegoat, lost child and mascot) and how each supports the addictive behavior of the alcoholic rather than the health and well being of the family. This book and others will give you practical ways to begin to heal and recover from this pain and trauma to the soul. Find more info at http://www.amazon.com/Another-Chance-Sharon-Wegscheider-Cruse/dp/0831400595.

Many people have found 12-step programs very helpful in making long-term changes. If you are not already familiar with these self-help groups, these groups can provide valuable sources of support to change these habitual behaviors of family members, such as caretaking, controlling and isolating. Al-Anon is designed for family members and friends of alcoholics and addicts who want to learn how to change their place in the family system; Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous are open to any person who wants to stop using alcohol or other drugs, legal and illegal. You can check out http://www.racinecentraloffice.com/ to learn about meeting schedules, and the RACO office, located behind Elmwood Plaza on Durand Avenue, has a book store with an excellent selection of books and pamphlets that is open to the public. Shop around for meetings, as different meetings have different personalities.

If a person is depressed and that person drinks alcohol, I say: stop drinking alcohol. Alcohol is a depressant, flattening the body’s central nervous system. Many people have found out that a change in diet eases depression. Take a look at the book, “Food and Mood” by Elizabeth Somer, a registered dietitian who shows how what we eat can amazingly and dramatically affect our mood. See: http://www.elizabethsomer.com/foodmood.php. Many people also find that the supplement, Omega-3 fish oil, can ease depression, and you can find a product of a fairly quality decent quality at your local drug store or supermarket or health food store. The psychiatrist I work with suggests experimenting with 6,000 to 10,000 milligrams per day.

If you don’t have health insurance, you may want to take a look at where you are spending your money. It turns out that many people spend quite a bit of money on “stuff” that ultimately isn’t satisfying but rather just a distraction from making changes. If funds are a real issue, please know that there are many psychotherapists who do offer reduced fees for highly motivated people.

Mercury found in high fructose corn syrup

I’ve never been a fan of high fructose corn syrup. It promotes weight gain, contributing to obesity. It’s easily found in cheap junk foods that aren’t very healthy – with the sugary taste masking the non-flavors of food that have been so thoroughly processed that a strawberry doesn’t even taste like a strawberry any more. And many people believe that this substance create mood swings – from depression to anxiety – as it affects the brain.

Now there’s new evidence that high fructose corn syrup is contaminated with mercury. Deadly mercury. See this story from U.S. News and World Report here.

Room to breathe, in a financial squeeze

As just about everyone knows, our economy is in a big squeeze. And you may feel the squeeze, too, and it’s not at all comfortable.

Financial stress creates a great deal of anxiety. In fact, the American Psychological Association reports that financial stress accounts for the greatest number of divorces. Stress also takes a very big toll on health and our immune system. Typical symptoms include irritability, problems sleeping, changes in appetite, headaches, stomach aches, intestinal problems, nervousness, excessive worry, and feeling sad and depressed.

Although you may be tempted to unhealthy behaviors to relieve stress – overeating, shopping, drinking and smoking – all of these behaviors actually create greater levels of stress and pain in the long run.

Here are suggestions to get through stressful times:

If you’ve one not yet set up a budget, start one now. You’ll want to consider the essential spending – food, clothing, shelter – and then identify what costs you’re able to trim, even temporarily, to feel financially stable. Locally, you can receive help with budgeting, money management and credit issues 365 days a year as well as online assistance from a great organization -- Consumer Credit Counseling Services; see http://www.moneymanagement.org/ or call (866) 889-9347.

Stay away from people who talk doom and gloom. The fact is that jobs are available and there is money to buy homes. Many businesses are thriving. Many good things are happening in our planet. At the same time, do your best to connect with people who are hopeful, creative and positive and inspire you to express your best self.

Take excellent care of your health. If you aren’t healthy, you won’t be able to work or enjoy life. Take your vitamins, get some exercise, adjust your diet, get some rest – whatever nourishes your mind, body and spirit. When you’re making that budget, make sure that reasonable expenses for your health are addressed. Consider not only your physical health but also your mental health and seek psychotherapy if you continue to be overwhelmed by stress.

Consider what actions, however small, you can take to make a difference. This might involve finding a quarter-time job to supplement your income, putting together a yard sale to clean out the clutter, helping out a neighbor shovel snow, organizing a food-buying club. You’ll feel as if you have more choice in the essentials of your life, and more power.

Stop smoking and drinking. Cigarettes and alcohol are not essential to life and, in fact, not only empty your wallet and hurt your health but also cause bigger and more expensive problems down the lane. If you can’t stop smoking or drinking, then you will need to get help.

Learn to manage your stress. Talking with a trusted friend or family member, exercise, meditation, prayer, spending time with a pet, joining a support group and many other strategies really help. Remember that stress that is not addressed can lead to serious health problems.

We’ll continue to offer more tips for good health in times of stress. Watch this space.

Keep your immune system healthy this winter

The cold season is here. I like keeping my people coming in for psychotherapy – not sick and ill and miserable at home. Winter is still here in Wisconsin and it will be here for a while. Here’s what I suggest to keep you healthy this winter.

Friends, there are alternatives to strengthening your immune system. Here, traditional Chinese medicine –which is much more than acupuncture – can be very helpful with its herbal remedies

One great immune-building remedy is Yin Chiao – also sometimes spelled Yinchaio—a powerful and yet inexpensive remedy that comes from the practice of traditional Chinese medicine.

This remedy, which comes in tablet and pill form as well as tea bags, is available at most natural pharmacies and from practitioners of traditional Chinese medicine. In Racine, you can find this remedy at a number of locations; see The Guide for listings of regional practitioners and resources in southeastern Wisconsin.

Yes, by all means, do the regular “stuff” to build your immune system and keep it healthy:

Drink green tea. It helps fortify your immune system.

Reduce your intake of sugar and sugary foods, which have been proven to significantly suppress your immune system for up to six hours after consuming.

Reduce your stress in whatever way that means – saying “no” to extra commitments, for instance, and staying away form abusive and demanding people. You may also want to practice some sort of stress reduction activities, such as meditation, prayer, yoga or tai chi.

Practice positive self-care behaviors: getting enough sleep and eating whole foods. Massage, yoga and tai chi help too.

Wash your hands frequently. Use soap and hot water and take your time.

Use alcohol or bleach wipes to clean door knobs, phones and other places where germs like to live.

Consider essential oils. Dr. Andrew Weil suggests using essential oil of thyme in an infuser. Be sure to use an essential oil that is labeled “medical grade” or “pharmaceutical grade.”

When shock reverberates in our hearts and minds...

Shock.

That's one emotion reverberating in the hearts and minds of most people -- city officials, colleagues, journalists and the general voting public -- who are hearing the news of the sex sting arrest of the mayor of Racine, Wisconsin.

Feelings of shock, as well as disappointment, sadness, anger, confusion, betrayal, mistrust and anxiety are common and normal feelings in such situations.

The feelings can be very intense when a person holds a specific attitude or belief about another person that turns out to be quite different.

Our view of the world has been shaken. Shaken badly. It can be difficult to reconcile the reality of what is happening with the image that we've held – maybe for a long time.

The shock also can contribute to a kind of a paralysis as people attempt to understand and integrate this new information intellectually. Therefore, it will be important for city employees and others to be mindful of certain steps that they can take to balance their lives and keep the city business running smoothly, as well as their own lives.

It is not professionally or ethically appropriate to comment on the circumstances relating to a particular person. However, many people struggle with legitimate questions that are very common when issues of this sort emerge.

Why might a person practice behaviors that jeopardize his or her job, position in the community, family relationships – or even their lives?

Such situations are much, much more common than we think. People can be very adept at keeping certain parts of their personalities hidden from many other people, even close friends and family.

Why would people take such risks when the consequences are so great?

Many people find themselves drawn to food, alcohol, nicotine and drugs, which alter their moods. Many other people find themselves drawn to the mood-altering components of activities -- especially that of risk taking. Evel Knievel jumped over cars other large items and found fame and fortune and, in some ways, respect. Some people climb mountains or join the Navy SEALS. Others, depending on their personality make up, are drawn to behaviors that may have very high excitement as well as very high risk. The risk of the forbidden often contributes to the sense of the high excitement as well.

Why am I so shocked?

When surprising information comes out, people are disoriented and question themselves because they thought they knew that person well or were a good judge of character.

I am not sure what I will say if I see this person again or if I will want to have contact with this person again.

It is also typical for people to grapple with how they will interact with a person who they now see very differently -- what they will say or how, or if, they will respond socially or in other ways. Stay with the process of noticing your feelings and processing your feelings – not gossiping! – with others and you will find your way.

I’m having a hard time getting my brain around this. I feel distracted and can’t concentrate very well.

The key is being able to identify and process the varied feelings in a healthy way (see blog posting, below) to regain your footing to make thoughtful and healthy decisions.

I feel embarrassed. Is that OK?

Often we are embarrassed to learn we have stereotypes about people who practice such behaviors– that they skulk behind bushes and have some obvious signs tacked on the back of their jackets. The truth is that perpetrators are male and female, and young, middle aged and older. They come from all walks of life and are often quite charming, attractive and socially skilled and are successfully capable of deflecting, minimizing, justifying or denying their behavior. They are business people, teachers, clergy persons, coaches, community leaders, politicians, doctors and people who purport to be healing professionals. There is a powerful story in the current Rolling Stone magazine about a female teacher – one of most popular teachers in her New Jersey school – who for months groomed and then seduced a 15-year-old boy while joking with her fellow faculty members who thought nothing odd of her behavior. See http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/25329318/sex_lies_and_phys_ed?source=music_news_rssfeed.

What should I say to my children?

We always must follow the legal precept of law, in that people are presumed innocent until an admission and confession is provided or until proven guilty in court. It’s also appropriate to say that some people practice behaviors that are not good for themselves or for other people or their communities. It’s also important to state that people are accountable for their actions. Use language that your children can understand according to their age. Don't feel you have to tell all the details as much as allow them to share their feelings and thoughts. If they talk about inappropriate touching or other odd behaviors they have experienced and do not feel good about, take this information seriously without becoming dramatic about it.

I’m feeling surprisingly affected by this even though I don’t know the person. Is that normal?

We can strongly react to certain news events, especially if those events remind us of our own life circumstances. For instance, many of my clients were grief stricken more than 10 years ago when Princess Diana died after a car crash. The incident reminded them of tragic deaths and sudden losses in their own lives, and they grieved anew. More recently, clients have reacted to the deaths of actor Heath Ledger, animal adventurer Steve Irwin and astronaut Laurel Clark. Similar reactions surface after reports of local gang shootings, murders, drownings or car accidents.

Individuals who may be especially affected by this news may be people who have experienced certain kinds of abuse, parents of children who have been abused and care-giving professionals who deal with these situations in their professional roles.

Is there any good that can come out of such a situation?

Such news stimulates people to learn more about certain social issues that they may not have thought very much about. That desire to educate themselves may be one of the few positives in what is otherwise always a difficult and painful situation. Others have the opportunity to look inside themselves to understand their behavior patterns or regrets more deeply as they observe how they react to the news. Some may be moved to reach out to get help for themselves to address the pain and improve their own lives. In Racine, many professionals and organizations provide psychotherapy and speakers and programs on various related topics, and there are books and resources in the library, book stores and online.

Things to do when shock happens

You can find your balance after shock hits. Here are suggestions:

Breathe.

Know that you may have many feelings – denial, disbelief, anger, hurt, pain, fear, anxiety, guilt or and confusion. Or you may experience several feelings that seem contradictory or even irrational. These feelings are normal responses.

Identify the feelings. Naming your feelings will begin to give you power over them, rather than feeling overwhelmed by them.

Share your feelings with a trusted person or several trusted people. These people should be able to listen to your feelings without judgment or argument but accept your experience as it is.

Identify your strengths. Yes, we have experienced trauma, but we are more than trauma. Personal traits such as courage, creativity, persistence, the ability to be organized, the ability to think things through, compassion, the experience of surviving and learning from past painful events are all strengths, and there are many more. We also have strength relationships with others – people who care about us and love us, as well as other more abstract relationships that sustain us, such as love of music, perhaps, or empathy with nature – that are important to recognize.

Connect with others. It’s good to remind each other of our strengths and gifts when we are feeling overwhelmed. It’s also good to be connected so each of us know we’re not alone in a difficult situation.

Cry. Let the tears out – it is a great cleanser and gives relief to feelings that have been building.

Stamp your feet for 15 to 30 seconds, or more. This is an easy and safe way to release feelings, especially anger, and disperse negative energy.

Physical activity helps. Simple yoga stretches will release physical tension. Tai chi and chi gong is very good, as are walking and other kinds of exercising.

Focus on activities that are soothing – enjoying a cup of chamomile tea, giving yourself a foot massage, doing light or inspirational reading, spending time with your pets.

Journal. Keeping a diary or just writing notes to yourself is a good way to organize your thoughts and feelings when you are confused or do not have the opportunity to talk with people directly. You can also write about your strengths, questions that you have and other thoughts and needs.

Continue with your routine that gives your life balance and structure. Eat your meals, take your vitamins, attend to regular household chores, your health appointments and the like.

Avoid the natural tendency to want to condemn other peoples’ actions, place judgment or debate who is “right” and who is “wrong.” Rather, focus on how the experience is affecting you and notice the choices you have in your immediate surroundings.

Notice if you turn compulsively to food, alcohol, drugs, gambling, shopping, sex or other activities to minimize your distress. These are not helpful in such situations, including long term, and can create depression, financial stress, more shame, weight gain or addiction.

Ask for help if you need it. It is a sign of strength, not weakness, and will prevent bigger problems in the future. If you are concerned about someone else’s well being, let that person know in a gentle but direct way, and tell others, too, if you believe the situation is dire.

Remember to keep breathing.

"American Therapy" gives press to psychodrama

A new book about psychotherapy gives good press to psychodrama, the action method developed by Jacob L. and Zerka Moreno.

This is a good thing, since the method, originally developed in the 1920s, has often been relegated to the back of the shelf. Way back. Even experienced mental health professionals and others don't know that Dr. Moreno, a European-born physician, coined the phrase "group psychotherapy" and was a true pioneer in the fields of mental health, marriage counseling, alternative non-drug therapy and other topics that we take for granted today.

The book is “American Therapy: The Rise of Psychotherapy in the United States” by Jonathan Engel and contains well-written passage about sociometry, the science of relationships, which was also developed by Moreno. There’s particular mention of his work at a New York facility for female juvenile delinquents – as they were called in the early days – and how he rearranged their assigned rooms to create more cooperation and less turmoil after evaluating their relationships.

Most of the focus of the book leans to Sigmund Freud, who we consider the originator of modern mental health treatment, and how his ideas spread to the United States, before heading off in new and more practical directions to treat emotional pain. Moreno was one of Freud’s first challengers, at around 1912 when he was a young medical student in Vienna. Although Moreno died in 1974, the worlds of psychodrama and sociometry are very much alive not only in the mental health but many other fields, thanks to the efforts of his widow, Zerka, who is in her nineties and still working, and many others.

True, author Engel makes some misstatements in other parts of the book, including the incorrect surname of a Vanderbilt University researcher who in 1979 conducted a study that raised questions about the role of specialized training in effective psychotherapy. He was Hans Strupp, not Krupp, and the incorrect reference to three eminent U.S. doctors who were early promoters of Freudian theory. Adolf Meyer and Harry Stack Sullivan were psychiatrists, and James Jackson Putnam was a neurologist; they were not “psychologists.”

Recommended.